Giggles and Raspberries

One Tough Cookie

2012-02-03T05:04:00.000-08:00

I don’t talk about my mom much here. I don’t know why. Probably because thinking about her makes me sad, and knowing that the world was robbed of such a giving person much too early makes me angry. Don’t even get me started on universal healthcare….

She was the best person I’ve ever known, and I don’t say that because she was my mom. She was so generous. She couldn’t give a lot when it came to possessions or money, so she gave her time. She was a scout leader, an EMT, a 4-H leader (of several different types of clubs), a church teacher, a PTA parent and president, a secret Santa, an endurance ride coordinator, a rodeo club advisor, gawd – whatever. If something needed to get done, she did it.

I didn’t realize this until I was an adult, but she didn’t have health insurance for, I don’t know, forever. Because of pre-existing health conditions, she was un-insurable. If anyone needed health insurance, it was her. (I’m getting riled up just thinking of this.) I don’t ever remember her going to the doctor – EVER – until I was 20-something. And, there were plenty of times when she should have gone. Take, for example, Maple.

Maple was my mom’s colt when I was about 12 years old. He was young, and she was training him on her own. (She could do that because she was the horse whisperer of Sanpete County, you know.) What a good colt - and pretty! Sweet horse, but a bit skittish as young horses will certainly be.
Well, we were riding to the area for 4-H practice when he got a mind to be a bit rambunctious. We were slowly loping along, and he started to buck. Usually, she could handle it, but this day she was thrown off. He stepped firmly on her right calf. How her leg didn’t break is beyond me.

I was instructed to catch him and bring him back to her. (She was lying on her back while giving me this instruction, by the way.) So, I did because, well, you did what she told you to do. She then took the reins in hand and walked the remaining half mile to the arena. She conducted the practice with twenty 9-15year olds for an hour, a friend helped her re-mount, and she rode home. I don’t remember who un-saddled Maple – probably her – and then we went inside for dinner. It wasn’t until then that she took off her boots to attend to her wound. And, wound is an understatement!

Through the jeans and the boot leather, her calf had an 8” long gash that had bled the entire time. Her boot was LITERALLY filled with blood. She disinfected it, wrapped it up, and went on with her evening.
In the coming days, that wound got so disgusting, and it seriously looked like hamburger. I couldn’t understand why she didn’t go to the doctor. Even I could tell that it needed stitches! But, she continued to care for it herself. (Of course, she continued to ride and train Maple, too.) She had the gnarliest scar.

Another example: Casper. That horse was the most skittish thing I have ever seen. And, willful! One day, we were training for a 50-mile endurance race when her bridle broke. Casper took the bit in his teeth and bolted. We were going so fast that I couldn’t keep up and stay atop my own horse. She eventually came off of him onto a rocky path where she broke two ribs.

When I asked if she was OK, she asked me why I was just sitting there. “Go get my horse!” He had such a good time out and about that it was a week before a hunter found him in the hills and brought him back to us. She walked the five miles home while I was driving around looking for that damn horse.

What did she do not two weeks after breaking her ribs? Complete the 50-mile race, of course. We had paid to do it, and I had a shot at winning my age group, but I needed to be accompanied by an adult. She wasn’t about to let me miss that opportunity. I don’t remember how I did in my age group, but I placed in the Top 10 which was even better.

My mom. She freakin’ rocked. End of story.

Happy birthday, dad!

2012-02-02T05:23:00.000-08:00

My dad and I have an interesting relationship. We seem to be the only people in our family that don't feel that it is necessary to talk all of the time. Don't get me wrong... When I get going, it's hard to shut me up, but I don't HAVE to fill every silence with noise. It's something that I get from him.

He once told me (as I was bitching about one of them) that "Being the president must be the most thankless job in the world no matter which party you represent." And, no. He doesn't vote.

He knows how to attract and hunt bears. He once held the state record for the biggest mountain lion killed in the state of Utah. He is the embodiment of "cowboy" and everything that it represents.

He is kind to his horses and dogs. He's learned to make a mean meatloaf. The MOST unlikely person to do so, he has embraced the fact that I'm a lesbian. He still holds on to parts of his faith even though he hasn't stepped foot in a church for 20+ years.

He's an odd juxtaposition of a person.
He's rough and tender all at the same time.

Here he is tube feeding Peanut in the NICU just days after birth:

Here he is holding Meatball in the NICU:

Here he is already loving his little boys:

Sleep over - the other side of the story

2012-02-01T05:01:00.000-08:00

What does our house look like when the boys have a sleep over at Papa/Nana’s house?

Well, Bub goes to bed early.

I stay up late and watch grown-up movies that involve fist-fights or rough sports (Invictus), occasional guns (The Bourne Series), or difficult story lines (The Help).

The dogs, however, enjoy every single second of their quiet time inside. They are put outside when we eat so that Sadie doesn’t beg. The boys seem to be having a growth spurt, so it seems like the dogs are in and out constantly. Otherwise, poor Sadie seems to walk all over the train tracks that Peanut strings all across the house*, and Lizzy is mauled by Meatball who is convinced that he is going to be a vet. I think that the dogs prefer being outside to the madness that happens in the house.
Look at them just sacked out and taking advantage of the peace and quiet.
(Well, except for the sniffles coming from me during The Help.)

Soaking up every chance to sprawl across the floor

and find a cushy spot to rest a head.

But, they do love the boys and greet them with happy tails as soon as the boys get home.

*(Come to think of it, Bub steps on the train track all of the time, too. Maybe I should send her outside!)

Giveaway from e-i-e-i-omg!

2012-01-31T05:15:00.000-08:00

So, I recently entered a chance to win a book that Susan was giving away over at e-i-e-i-omg. I hoped for the chance to win the bird book shown below, but I couldn't figure out what kinds of recipes could be in a book called "...FOR the birds." I thought maybe this was a recipe book with chicken/turkey/duck recipes which is always good, too.

Well, I received my book yesterday, and it is literally FOR the birds! Inside it shows how to make different kinds of feeders (hanging, suet, and ground) and details exactly what kind of food different types of birds enjoy the most! In the fall, we will have a great time looking at "the red book" (that details all of the birds in North America), finding the birds that are in our area, and creating specialized feeders just for them! What a great learning experience for the boys (and the moms!).

As an added bonus ("It's for the boys," Susan says), she threw in a picnic cookbook. I was salivating and wishing for warmer weather. When Peanut saw that book, he said "But, mom - we LOVE picnics!" Yes, we do, handsome boy!

Thank you, Susan! You made our night!

Playtime

2012-01-31T05:00:00.000-08:00

Look at us playing together without antagonizing each other AGAIN! Of course, there was an easel between them that prevented easily thrown punches, purposeful hair pulling, and pre-meditated tackling.

A few days later, they were pretending to be Santa’s elves while they painted some wooden toys. They proceeded to tell me (Mrs. Clause of course) that these toys would be delivered all around the world to places like South America, India, Alabama, Tooele, and Washington. (State or DC, I’m not sure.) Where do they come up with this stuff?

101 in 1001

2012-01-30T06:17:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Bee Girl over at Sky Minded and Ever Growing, I decided to take on this challenge. The details can be found here, but basically, I am going to complete the following 101 tasks in 1001 days. It’s not like a bunch of resolutions for the new-year; these are goals that generally need planning and mindful attention to complete. (Well, I guess if I were doing resolutions correctly, I would be planning and paying attention to them, right? Duh….) As I complete each goal, I will note it here by crossing it off. As I make progress on the goals, I will update here with notes. I started this on January 1, 2012, and I should finish on September 28, 2014.

TRY
1. Take a ballroom dance lesson (or two or three).
2. Attend the Greek festival in downtown SLC.
3. Bake challah bread from scratch and recognize the significance in the Jewish Sabbath meal (since we are not at all religious).
4. Take a fly-fishing lesson (or two or three).
5. Taste ten fruits/veggies that I’ve never eaten before.
6. Ascend a rock-climbing wall (totally assisted and harnessed, of course).
7. Mix and drink a traditional martini.
8. Drive a snow mobile.
9. Take a five-mile snowshoe hike.

MASTER
10. Appropriately position my body in the half moon yoga pose (after that, every other pose should be a piece of cake!).
11. Pace myself in one marathon/year to achieve 4:45 in 2012, 4:30 in 2013, and 4:15 in 2014.
12. Complete the 100 push-up challenge.
13. Complete the 200 sit-up challenge.
14. Complete the 200 squats challenge.
15. Complete the 150 dip challenge.
16. Change my diet and exercise regimen to bring my body to a healthy weight (140).
17. Train successfully to complete a ½ Iron Man Triathlon.
18. Make the BEST tiramisu, ever!
19. Make healthy and hearty bread from scratch that is not as flat nor as heavy as a rock.
20. Learn to really swim.
21. Improve my posture.
22. Knit or crochet well enough to create some special gifts.
GROW
23. Better utilize my compost.
24. Expand my berry plants to double my current space.
a. As of January 2012, I have three black berry patches and one raspberry plant.
25. Create a Dutch oven fire pit in the back yard.
26. Double the amount of 2011 home canned food yearly total by 2014.
a. As of October 2011, I had 84 quarts and 103 pints/half-pints in the pantry.
b. I made this goal without checking the actual 2011 totals.
c. I think I need to buy more jars.
27. Start my own bee hive.
28. Make my own healthy pasta.
29. Re-landscape the front lawn.
30. Plant three different herb gardens (medicinal, savory, fragrant).
31. Add four new houseplants each year.
32. Re-shingle the tool sheds.
33. Plant a new tree.
34. Be a vegan for a month.
35. Make limoncello.
36. Make syrup.

LOVE
37. Take Bub to the Sundance film festival.
38. Become legally married in SOME state that allows it.
39. Take Bub and the boys to a professional football game.
40. Unplug one week in 2012, two weeks in 2013, and three weeks in 2014.
41. Go on one grown-up date per month.
42. Walk away from arguments first.
43. Talk to a family member one time per week.
a. As of 1/30/2012, I am sucking at this.
44. Leave a random love note for Bub one time per week.
45. Create the boys scrapbooks from birth to now.
46. Throw an awesome 50th birthday bash for Bub.
a. The big day is mid-August, 2012.
47. Talk/write to a long-distance friend one time per week.
a. As of 1/30/2012, I am failing at this, also.
48. Go to the drive in.
49. Send a poem to Bub.
50. Take each boy (individually) on a “fancy” date three times per year.
51. Serve Bub and the boys breakfast in bed.
52. Make the family Christmas socks.
53. Eat dinner by candlelight (some champagne wouldn’t hurt).
54. Feel beautiful at least one time per week.
55. Take the boys to the Nutcracker.
56. Attend a concert (the boys’ first).

ACHIEVE
57. Run 1200 miles in 2012, 1300 miles in 2013, 1400 miles in 2014.
58. Become involved in and learn about P42 (newest technology at work).
59. Serve on the council for the Tooele Arts Festival.
60. Complete NaNoWriMo in 2012, 2013, and 2014.
61. Obtain promotion.
62. Have an article published in the local paper.

SAVE
63. Pay off one credit card per year in 2012, 2013, and 2014.
64. See the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in person.
65. Open an Etsy shop.
66. Pay all bills on time.
67. Buy a road bike for commute (and triathlon) purposes.
68. Take a trip by train.
69. Avoid eating out for an entire month.
70. Learn to change my own oil.

CALM
71. Meditate daily for 30 days.
72. Read at least one book per month.
a. One Second After by William Forstchen, completed 1/2012
b. Five Fortunes by Beth Gutcheon, completed 1/2012
c. The ReaderThe Reader by Bernhard Schlink, completed 1/2012
73. Find inner strength.
74. Perform with the Tooele community orchestra.
75. Visit five caves.
76. Visit a beach in three different states.
77. Visit nine museums.
78. Get my first mani/pedi.
79. Arrange for a couple’s massage and spa day.
80. See the Grand Canyon.
81. Refinish the piano.

GIVE
82. Pay somebody else’s bus fare.
83. Donate blood or plasma at least six times per year.
a. January 31, 2012
84. Involve the boys in some form of volunteer work six times per year.
85. Donate a quilt.
86. Be an active member of the parent-teacher organization at the boys’ school.
a. They don't start school until fall, 2012.
87. Help coach the boys’ sports team (sport to be decided – soccer is definitely not it).
88. Organize the Jensen family holiday party.
89. Raise money for the Huntsman Hometown Hero program.
90. Host a blogger giveaway.
a. In process!
91. Organize the first Christensen family reunion/BBQ in HOW MANY years?!?!?
92. Pay somebody’s expired parking meter before they are ticketed.
93. Send girl scout cookies to a service member overseas.

ODDS AND ENDS
94. Stand at the four corners.
95. Run three (or more) miles in ten new Utah towns per year.
96. Watch 26 new movies with titles ranging in sequence from A to Z.
97. Create a “map” project for the boys to learn the 50 states.
98. Learn to tie flies.
99. Participate in a 365 day photo challenge and blog the results.
100. Try 50 new/unique beers.
101. Solve a Sudoku puzzle.

What to blog? What to say?

2012-01-30T05:16:00.000-08:00

How do you know what to say when your blog doesn’t really have a point? Of course, Reflections on a Run is my daily running journal and occasionally has some great race reports (when I can afford to enter some races). The optimistically named The Occasional Chef clearly deals with my attempts at cooking. Urban homesteaders like Chicken Mama and Sky Minded and e-i-e-i-omg are focused on urban homesteading, of course. But, what is Giggles and Raspberries? Is it just about the amazing little men that we are lucky enough to love until the end of time? Is it political? Am I trying to chronicle my life so that the boys understand who I am (besides the lady that makes them eat green beans), or am I trying to chronicle the boys’ life so that they someday know just how adorable they really are? Am I trying to remember the good parts of my childhood or the occasional pain of my adult life?

Do I write about the first time that I saw my mom drink a beer? The last time I saw that same thing? The fact that those were the only two times I ever saw that at all? Do I blog about high school (oh, gawd), college (boring) or grad school (holy hell)? What about the fact that we have a family bed and I don’t really care? What about the night my footie-pajamas were ripped or the reason that I always stir my ice cream until it’s smooth? How I eat my sorrow and depression the way that some people use alcohol or drugs? How much I love to push the boys on the swing in the back yard and that I will cry when they don’t need me to do that anymore? How I doubt my abilities and intelligence? When did I decide to forgive my ex? What about the last quilt that I tied with my mom or the last thing that I canned with her or the reason that my dad won’t tell me about Viet Nam (or why I write Viet Nam as two words instead of one)? What about the pain I feel every year when we go to the capitol to fight for second parent adoption only to be rejected again and again and again? Does anyone really want to hear about how I how I totally do not believe in the death penalty and how one day I caught myself changing my mind? How one of my oldest friends in the world told me to leave my wife? What about how conflicted I felt when I learned from someone who grew up in South Africa that Mandela was not exactly how he is portrayed in movies? The first movie I remember seeing with my dad or the reason that my mom let me go see American Graffiti or why The Man From Snowy River has, hands down, the most awesome scene ever filmed? And, The Black Stallion – how many times did I read this book? Why can’t I seem to lose weight? Why I hate my car? The last time we saw Bub’s sisters?

Does anyone care about this stuff but me? Is this blog for me or for other people and if so, which people? What is bloggerdom, anyway? I love reading the blogs that I’ve linked to here on my site, some of them have a specific theme and some of them don’t. Why is it interesting to read about the lives of others, most of whom you’ve never met but really want to someday? Will I write about all of that stuff? Probably….

How do you choose what to say and what to keep to yourself?

The times, they are a-changing

2012-01-27T05:14:00.001-08:00

Last week, a co-worker and friend celebrated a milestone, 25 years of employment at our company! While my own 21.5 years is nothing to sneeze at, 25 is particularly fun because not only does the employee receive a beautiful gift, but so does his or her spouse. A wonderful celebration ensues, speeches are given, and there are usually more than a few tears shed. (Hey, it's just what we do.)

Well, my friend and I had been talking about this upcoming event for months because only recently have the spouses been invited into the building to join in the celebration at 10+ years. His dilemma: he's gay, and our company leaders and board are very conservative. We do live in Utah, after all.

While I love this article claiming Salt Lake City to be the gayest city in America, the authors clearly don't live here. Maybe they were just talking about SLC proper and not its outlying suburbs? I dunno.

So, back to work. My friend was not the only one to be worried about what would happen if he invited his adorable husband to attend the event. Other coworkers whispered things like "that's just not going to fly," and "what's the CEO going to say," and "people are just not ready for that here" while other coworkers responded with "oh, nobody gives a shit anymore."

Like my friend being honored, I was a bit nervous.

Long ago (it has been 21 years, remember), I would walk through the cafeteria and hear people talking as I passed. "Dyke" was a favored word to use just loudly enough that I could hear and just quietly enough that I wouldn't know where it came from. A few folks unfamiliar with the appropriate usage would use the word "fag," generally reserved for gay men. Although it was used improperly, it still had the same stinging effect. There were other phrases, too, of course.

I am happy to say that those days are behind us, at least at my workplace. I don't wear a sign around my neck proclaiming my sexuality, nor do any of my gay coworkers, because it's not important; it doesn't affect the way that we perform our jobs. However, it is apparent when someone is uncomfortable dealing with me. Thankfully, it happens less and less.

BUT, back to my coworker and his big day! It couldn't have gone better. The two of three ultra-conservative corporate executives who spoke handled the "situation" with poise and class. (There was one little flub that may have only been obvious to those of us who have to watch hetero-America from a second-class citizen seat on the proverbial bus.) My friend and his spouse of 15 years were met with celebration and treated with well-deserved dignity. It was a wonderful affair. So, I extend a Thank You to everyone who made it a special day for him.

It seems like such a small thing, this little shin-dig, but when you consider that he has been working at our company for more than half of his life, you can start to understand the significance to him.

But, it's the small things, the little steps, that are adding up to make our comminities better and that help people be more understanding of each other. Just this week, Harrisville (a small-ish town north of SLC) passed non-discrimination ordinances in housing and employment - the first town in our state of the new year to do so. (Last year, there were 11.). As more people hear this kind of stuff, the more they are amazed that discrimination is even allowed - legally allowed! It's a surprise to so many of our straight friends and families. (Sadly, the same referendum was defeated in the city of American Fork late last year.)

I'm proud of the progress that has occurred at my workplace. Oh, there are still those who hate me for something that I can't control or change, those who would hate another person for wanting to love and be loved in return, but I can't let myself be saddened by them. (I must say that it's hard when they are screaming horrible words at me and my family as we meet for Pride celebrations or to lobby our elected officials.) I will keep my eyes on the long, but hopeful, road ahead. I will thank those who are demanding equal treatment on my behalf, and I will try to educate those who refuse to recognize us as families built on love and happiness - just like our hetero counterparts.

Yes. Even in Utah, the times, they are a-changing.

Hand-Made Pay It Forward 2012

2012-01-22T15:51:00.000-08:00

So, this is an idea I've seen around a couple of blogs and FB, but I've never really had the "umph!" to do. (You'll remember - only because I remind you at every possible chance - that I was really, really busy last year, what with school and everything.....)

When I saw this over at Sky Minded and Ever Growing last week, I knew that I had to get on the stick and do something this year. Unless I'm going back to get my PhD (which I'm SO NOT), I have no excuses (except the 4-year old twin boy kind) to get my butt in gear and give stuff away. But, not just stuff. As the title implies, the stuff must be hand-made. And, no. This is not an attempt to get rid of the extra jams in my pantry - I have no problem finding recipients for that yummy stuff. (Oh my gawd - did I just toot my own horn?)

Now, of course, there exists the very real possibility that I will be giving stuff to people that I would have given stuff to anyway - two coworkers, two friends, and one cousin - simply because they may be the only people who actually read my blog. So, here's a shout-out to my peeps: Lish, JoElla, Roch, Beck, and Juanita! (Seriously? Shout out to my peeps? Dude, I'm so street. Or not. Whatever.)

So, here are the two rules:
I promise to make something and send it (before the end of 2012) to the first five people who comment on this post.
If you are one of the first five, you must promise to re-post the rules on your blog (or even FB) and send something to the first five people who comment on your post. The item must be hand made by you and the recipient must receive the gift before the end of 2012. The item may be as simple or as complicated as you would like. You just have to promise to follow through.

OK - now, PLEASE comment or I may have anxiety akin to high school when I just wasn't cool enough to be the FFA Sweetheart (even though I was one of the two girls in the goddamn class). Seriously, people, I can't handle that kind of rejection again..... (FYI - the other girl, my BF, wasn't cool enough, either. Losers! Bwah-ha-ha-ha! Looking back now, I can't even remember who won - probably some cheerleader - but I could have been a contender!) Really, I'm OK. I swear. (She was probably a real snot about it, too.)

(Beck/Roch: no comments about my social skills back in the day, or you'll get nothing! Besides, they have greatly improved. Haven't they?)

Just a little winter fun

2012-01-22T15:07:00.000-08:00

Last weekend (before we all got sick again) we slept over at Granny and Grandpa's house. We watched movies, and whined about not liking pizza (???? Do we have the only boy in America that doesn't like pizza?), and played trains (of course), and got lots of hugs and kisses from Granny.

Here's Meatball playing mini-foosball with the old people - neither of whom have ever touched a foosball table in their lives.

The next morning, we got up and went to the aquarium to see the river otters (who were napping the whole time), the archer fish (which were pretty cool), the rays (awesome), jelly fish and octopus (neat blobs), and the penguins (who stole the show). Here we are with Mommy Bub watching the penguins race past us:

Then, we came home and went to bed for the next week due to some seriously crappy head and chest colds. It's been something else.

My hearts

2012-01-11T15:47:00.000-08:00

When shopping for my Christmas presents, Bubba was very thoughtful, and she worked with the boys to find something special for me from each of them. I will admit, my shopping trip with them was not nearly as well planned or thoughtful when it came to getting her a gift. She has always been better at that sort of thing. I am far too driven and goal oriented to be romantic or focused on feelings. And, I hate shopping. Get in. Buy. Get out. At Christmas? Do those things, but faster than usual. Well, anyway, enough about me and my shortcomings. (Why do I insist on sharing this stuff about me? You're supposed to think that I can walk on water! I can, by the way. I did it just this morning on my 5-mile run as there were quite a few icy patches on the sidewalk....)

She took the boys to the store and they really, honestly looked for something meaningful, and yet inexpensive since we are such a tight budget. Bub had one of the boys while Granny had the other boy. They came to the jewelry area at separate times but still within a couple of minutes of each other.

When Bub and Peanut reached the counter, Peanut saw a little heart shaped pendant and immediately proclaimed that he wanted to give it to me because, well, he's convinced that he's going to marry me someday. (Insert a bunch of "awwwww's" and grown women getting all melty-hearts here.)

Two minutes later, Granny and Meatball arrived at the same counter and he promptly identified the same pendant as his gift to me because it's beautiful - just like me. (Again with the melty hearts, but now insert teary eyes, too, right?)

My boys. Literally, my hearts.

playing together

2012-01-09T15:28:00.000-08:00

I'm posting these pictures as evidence that the boys really DO get along sometimes. In about 12 years, they will be arguing about sharing a car, who is getting better grades, who gets the game controller now, etc. etc. etc. If they are ANYTHING like my brothers, there will be some serious wrestling, and maybe even a few fists thrown. (Gawd! I hope not, but I'm a realist.) I hope to pull this post up and show them that they really did like each other at one time.

Painting in the kitchen. They received a wooden tractor/train at Christmas that needs to be painted before assembling. Suffice it to say that these toys are going to be very, very colorful.

Ah, the Scooby*Doo Mystery Mansion with characters and GOO! The goo drips down from the roof and gets all over everything. (Oh, the joy for mommy, but the kiddos think it's cool.)

Camping out in the front room - Mommy doesn't camp in the snow. Each boy has his own tent, and the openings were facing each other so that they could talk and poke and pester and kick each other until the wee hours of the morning. Mommy slept in the recliner - you know, just in case anyone got scared. (Yes, they could have walked the extra ten feet to our bedroom.)

What could be?

2012-01-05T18:31:00.001-08:00

Almost 16 years ago, my life was a shambles. My girlfriend was cheating on me, and the relationship was abusive. I was going to college full-time at night and working full-time during the day. Everything was a mess.

One night after work, I got in my truck to go home. I had just received my paycheck, and I had this incredible urge to just keep driving. I knew that I could grab my dog and stop in my hometown (two hours away) to drop him off with my brother. I also knew that my brother would loan me some more money so that I could drive even further.

I didn't know WHERE I wanted to go; I just knew that I wanted to GO.

However, there was this one girl... We had been friends for years, and she had asked me out about a hundred times (even though she knew that I was in a relationship and I refused her each time). I knew that if I drove away, I would never see her again, because I knew that I would never come back.

What could be of it if I stayed? Anything? Nothing? It was enough to make me stay one more night.

Well, here we are, 16 years later. For some reason, this memory popped into my head while I was showering tonight. It's not always been easy, nor has it always been romance and roses. Surprisingly, the jury is still out on her with some of my friends and definitely with one sibling and his spouse. She has made mistakes, some of them big. I have made mistakes, some of them huge. And not everyone understands where we are right now or why. But, through it all, we have managed to still love each other, and we are raising two wonderful little men.

I'm sure that if I had kept driving, I would be in Vermont or Georgia or Saskatchewan. I would probably be with someone who at least likes the Indigo Girls. I wouldn't, however, have THIS, and this is all that matters.

Goodbye 2011

2012-01-01T15:42:00.000-08:00

No, mommies were NOT wasted. I'm not really sure why our eyes are so squinty in these pictures, but we weren't even drinking unless you count the cold medicine that Bub was taking. Everyone but me had a fever, so I'm surprised that anyone is smiling at all. We rang in the new year by watching a movie on the mommy bed and then going to sleep. After everyone else was asleep, I blogged and watched a movie on my own. It was quite the party.....

(No, Meatball isn't mad. He was just making faces, and I don't know where his hat is. No, Peanut isn't wearing lipstick. The fever and dehydration caused his poor little lips to be chapped so badly!)

The Help

2012-01-01T00:01:00.001-08:00

No, not like the book or the movie.

Tonight, as I watched a movie BY MYSELF on new year's eve while the boys and Mommy Bub slept, I was thinking about when the boys were born. (OK, fine. It was a song on the tearjerker movie that I was watching that made me get all melancholy...)

Anyway, the boys, the NICU, it was hard. Compared to others in the NICU, we had it easy - friggin cake walk. But, the NICU, preemie babies, newborns in general - it's all hard.

As parents, we could identify XX people who could visit the boys in this sterile environment, period. We could identify even fewer who could visit when we were not there.

We had spots that we chose not to dole out. Our permissions went to Granny/Grandpa, Papa/Nana, and Tante Sid. That's it. And, nobody knows that we included Tante Sid. She was the "emergency backup," but between the seven of us, the boys had someone there all hours of the day and part of the night.

So, tonight, I was thinking about how we got through it all. Those adorable, squishy, preemie boys (who, incidentally, still don't bother to sleep in their own beds for the whole night). Those smart and funny boys (who ran around sans pants tonight for no particular reason).

Dr. Cannon, for sure. He was our first pediatrician. And Dr. Pretty-Blonde-whose-name-i-cant-remember. They were amazing. And the nurses. They kept our boys alive - which wasn't really hard - we were just small and some other little problems. Those nurses kept other teeny souls alive whose monitors "went off" constantly. Those nurses were amazing.

Then, there was Rosemary. She was the head NICU nurse. When we didn't like the care they were getting (only twice, BTW), she made sure that those nurses didn't get assigned to our isolettes again. Adorable woman, and I think that she would have scooped up the Peanut in a heartbeat. She adored him.

Next was Tante Sid. She "snuck" in there when no family was present, and she's the one that gave permission for Meatball's blood transfusion when I couldn't get back to town (50 miles away) fast enough and Bub couldn't leave work. Not only did she give the permission (technically, we did, but she "did") she held his medically-induced-sleep hand the whole time. She watched his color come back as the good blood made its way through his itty bitty body.

Then there were the grands. Grandpa refused to hold them until they were "more substantial," but that didn't keep him from being there every day, close by, watching, breathing. Granny had new - SHORT - nails applied so that she could feel their skin and not be forced to wear gloves. Nana took loads of pictures and practically dressed in a hazmat suit just to be able to look at them. Papa, a life long smoker, would shower and scrub before leaving home (again, 50 miles away), not touch a cig, bring a change of freshly laundered clothes, change and scrub again, all for the opportunity to hold a feeding tube for 5 minutes. (He still doesn't smoke in his own house just so that they won't be exposed.)

So, yes. I "complained" about how spoiled they were on Christmas morning. Not a complaint, really, BTW. I don't, however, gush on about how we don't go to daycare or how we don't ever look for (or even consider) a babysitter. The boys have only ever spent three hours away from us when it wasn't one of the "help" mentioned above. (And, even then, it was my uber-responsible day-care provider niece.)

With the exception of Rose (with whom we lost contact with when she changed hospitals), the "help" gets us through. They are as important to us as anyone could be. They are the boys family, their guidance, their people.
Truth be known, they are those same things to us, too. We are indebted to them. The boys wouldn't be who they are without us - and them.

Fun time

2011-12-28T14:28:00.000-08:00

We went to a birthday party for our friend, D.
We had a blast!
Miniature golf is almost impossible with two 4-year olds - at least these two.
The rollercoaster simulator is pretty fun, though!

HUMBLED

2011-12-28T14:23:00.000-08:00

In my opinion, the leaders of our team (at work) aren’t really close knit. (“Hi” to the two who read this blog. I think that we agree on most things relative to this post, but I won’t speak for them.) We work pretty well together because, well, we have to; we’re paid to, and I truly believe that we all have the best interest of our company in mind – all of us. We get along, but we aren’t “tight.” Well, anyway, we were collectively lamenting on how we haven’t really bonded even after a couple of years. Blah, blah, blah. So, I suggested that we do something together. I’m not sure if anyone thought that I would really find something (because I sometimes don’t follow through with stuff – because I’m flaky like that – and I really don’t like that about myself). Anyway….. I figured that we could volunteer our time at The Road Home (the homeless shelter in Salt Lake) during their once yearly big to-do: The Radio-Thon.

Basically, all of the radio stations owned by a particular local media mogul do a contest where the listeners pledge money and coats/toys/clothes. One radio station “wins,” but I’m not sure exactly what they win besides bragging rights. Well, because our awesome company provides a person for the board of directors of The Road Home, I figured that we should spend our time and efforts there. I got us set up to help on one of the donation days. It was a good day to donate because other people from our company were manning the phones at different hours of the morning. It was a good day for our company to represent!

We were stationed outside. Half of us (my half) were directing traffic, half of us were collecting coats and stuff from out of people’s trunks. One of us was the “bouncer,” who basically kept the “riff-raff” away from the radio broadcasters. There were, like, eight or nine stations just inside the lobby. Off track – how do they all talk and not be broadcast on each other’s stations?

How cute are we?

ANYWAY (gawd – one topic….. right?), my friends, B-Dub and Lish, were directing traffic with me. Of course, there were a lot of homeless people around; we were at homeless-central…. So, we noticed that there was a lady milling around a little flat-bed truck with a tarp over the top. This didn’t surprise me. I expected to see people holding on to their last possessions – like cars – because, well, why wouldn’t you? So, I wasn’t surprised by her. I was saddened, and I was grateful that it wasn’t me, but I wasn’t surprised.

So, the tarp was domed, so it was obviously pulled over something. Then, we noticed that something moved underneath the tarp. Ug. Someone else. Look. There is a tent under there. Someone slept there overnight. (We were chilled. It was cold!) So bummed that someone is sleeping in the bed of their truck! Seriously, this is hard! We decide not to completely stare at them, because that’s just rude. So, we turn our attention away because it’s the right thing to do.

A few minutes later, Lish says “Don’t look!”
Oh, come on. If there is not a more compelling phrase to make you look, it’s “don’t look.” So, what did I do? What could I do? So, I looked.

There, the woman was getting a boy dressed. Well, he got “dressed” in the tent, but she was helping him get his coat and scarf and gloves all on. It was just a glance, so I thought that he was about eight years old. A few minutes later, after dad got out of the tent, I saw him a bit closer.

He was five years old, maximum.
Seriously, he was the same age as my little people. He was tiny. He was cold. He was innocent.

I started to cry – well, teary eyed – I don’t cry in front of coworkers. But, oh! That poor little boy! I felt horrible. And I felt grateful. And I cried later in the day after I talked to my boys. And I hugged them close when I got home that night.

PS – note to volunteers: when you are offering your services to a place like this, drive your “clunker” car. When you drive your Lexus or your Mercedes or your Beemer, you look like you’re rubbing it in.

RE-GIFTING

2011-12-28T14:18:00.000-08:00

I don’t re-gift often. OK – once in a while – in an emergency – or when I have 50 of the same thing due to a certain in-(not)-law who has a shopping problem. But, really, I generally believe that people put thought and effort into finding a gift that is right for me because that is what I try to do for them. If I can’t find a good gift, I will make some food or buy them dinner; who doesn’t like food, right?

But, I must confess this (and only because the boys aren’t going to read this blog until they are grown-up): last night Bub and I set aside about ten gifts that they received for Christmas with the sole purpose of giving them again for their birthday. I don’t think of it as bad parenting but rather economical parenting. Good parenting, even, if you consider that they are only four years old and can’t possibly have the attention span necessary for EVERYTHING that they received. There was so much stuff that Bub and I didn’t even know what was there. There was stuff that she helped one of them open that I never saw, and stuff that I helped the other one open that she never saw. Cool stuff, yes, but seriously TOO MUCH. At one point, my dad said “I’ve never seen so many toys – and there were FIVE of you kids!”

The evidence:
After Santa visited, but before Papa and Nana got here, here are the presents - on BOTH SIDES OF THE ROOM. There was barely room to walk. They stretch from one end of each picture to the other end. They were in the corner, under the tree, by the piano, by the closet, in the recliner, on the table. It was insanity.

It was just overboard. Everything was overboard. Bub and I went out of our spending limit just a bit for the boys, but not by far. Granny and Grandpa went berserk, and then Uncle Norris sent (too much) money to be spent on the boys which Granny and Grandpa did happily. Santa, cousins, uncles, aunts, god-mother, neighbors. Papa and Nana seemed to keep a handle on it until we got the “experience” cards. This means that they bought two pre-loaded “gift” cards that are for the sole purpose of going out and doing stuff (like the aquarium, the zoo, the aviary, bowling, movies, Chuck-E-Ch**se-type settings).

The one thing that the boys didn’t get too much of was clothing which is GREAT (and surprising) because their closet is already stuffed (see above list people ready and waiting to spoil them).

The problem (besides that they will never play with this much stuff) is that a dangerous expectation is being set that Bub and I will have to meet, surpass, or readjust in coming years. Honestly, as long as Granny and Grandpa have a credit card and can drive (car or motorized old-people-scooter), there will be no point in trying to readjust.

So, we have started a stash for birthday presents six months from now. I don't care what anyone says.....

And, here is a picture of the spaz. Sadie's no Gus, but she's still a good dog.

MISDIAGNOSED

2011-12-28T14:08:00.000-08:00

Years ago (10? 12?), I was diagnosed with Meniere’s disease. The symptoms were extreme vertigo, nausea, and the “spins.” These episodes sometimes last for days, always at least one day. I can’t drive, sometimes I can’t walk, can’t even sit up in bed. Movement is horrible; prone is good – well, at least until I have to potty. It’s quite miserable. The worst part, however, was the knowledge that I would eventually lose the hearing in one, possibly both, ears.

The episodes were thought to be brought on by anything that was a vasoconstrictor, specifically alcohol, aspirin, salt, and caffeine. When diagnosed, I stopped drinking all caffeine immediately. I missed the occasional Diet Peps!, but didn’t really care about the coffee. (I drank it for the flavored creamer, anyway.) My diet was also immediately very low salt until my body would revolt, and I would go overboard on a bag of chips or something. (Your body just needs salt sometimes, you know?) I never get headaches, but I had been taking aspirin at the behest of my doctor to prevent colon polyps since my mom had died from colon cancer. As long as I didn’t get wasted, I could have a few beers here and there. My quality of life was fine (actually healthier), and I learned to control the circumstances that seemed to cause these episodes.

(Episodes, by the way, make me sound like a little old lady, don’t you think?)

Still, I would have three or four episodes each year. This is mild compared to other Meniere’s sufferers who have an episode every day for hours at a time. Gawd! These episodes seemed to be out of the blue, but if I thought hard enough, I could somehow link them to eating too much popcorn while watching a movie or sharing a bottle of champagne to celebrate a big event. But, still, they seemed random and strange.

At the urging of my doctor earlier this year, I finally made an appointment with an ENT to have my hearing level checked and just have a general re-assessment. I couldn’t remember who I saw the first time, so I just picked some ENT off of my provider list and made the appointment. As I talked to him about my symptoms, my episodes, my experiences, he would tilt his head or look puzzled and ask me more questions. Finally, we did a new baseline for my hearing test. Turns out my hearing is great. After ten+ years with Meniere’s, I should have some hearing loss in at least one ear, but not so. Then, they tested me for ear pressure. This turned a bit more interesting as one ear has a lot less pressure than the other. Then, they tested me for pET (patulous Eustachian Tube – or floppy ear drum). Ding, ding, ding!

My understanding of pET is that the Eustachian Tube(s) stay open instead of closing like normal people. Therefore, the person’s tube(s) can become dehydrated or an imbalance of pressure can occur. (This is actually more rare than Meniere’s.)

We won’t know for sure until my next episode, but it is likely that I was misdiagnosed all of those years ago. I don’t blame the doctor at the time because the symptoms are pretty much the same, but the cause is different. The problem with Meniere’s is constricted blood vessels. Like I said before, the problem with pET is dehydration or pressure imbalance. Oddly, the triggers are basically the same – alcohol, sodium, caffeine, (I’m unsure about aspirin) because they all dehydrate you. Of course, running long distances ('thon training!) also dehydrates you! This explains some of the unexplainable episodes! If I had been a good patient, my situation would have been re-evaluated years ago.

After my appointment, I went for a run. Sugarhouse Park was close by, and I had the rest of the afternoon off for my appointments anyway. (I saw my dermatologist, too.) I felt great during my run. It was all psychological, I’m sure, but I felt free. I was free from a deaf sentence (oh, that was clever…), and it felt great. I still need to watch my diet, and I can’t get dehydrated – that’s going to be hard as I train for a spring marathon, but….

So, the first half of my run was celebratory. Yay for me, right?!?! But, then quite UN-like me, I started thinking. If I had been misdiagnosed with Meniere’s all those years ago, what else have I been misdiagnosed with? I don’t mean physical ailments, because I’m pretty healthy (minus those 40 extra pounds that I’m carrying around). But, what have I done to myself? What have I done to others?

I’m a middle child, so I exhibit all of those behaviors. But, do I do that because I’ve told myself that I am that person or because I actually AM that person? I’m overweight, and I have no self control when it comes to sugar. But, really? Or is it just an excuse to be lazy and not have any accountability? (There – did I just "misdiagnose" myself aain – am I really lazy? – for Pete’s sake, I got my Masters while working full time, being a mommy, and training for a marathon.) How am I limiting my life, my self, my soul?

And others? Are they really who I have labeled them to be? Sometimes, people just make mistakes. Am I holding the mistake(s) over their heads and causing them to be “that” person in my eyes because I have “diagnosed” them that way? I am notorious for holding a grudge – and for what? – where is it getting me or them? – is it doing any good for me or them?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this in the past two weeks, and I think that this will be one of my goals for the new year. I want to re-evaluate my relationships with others and with myself and really try to see people (including myself) for who they are, not who I believe them to be. Maybe I will have been right all along, but maybe not. I owe it to them, and to myself, to find out.

scared smokeless

2011-12-18T19:33:00.001-08:00

So, Terrie, ten time cancer survivor, really freaks the boys out when she comes on TV. (Bless her! See her story here.)

Boys: Mommy, why does she talk so scary?
Bub: She had to have her voice voice box taken out.
Boys: Why?
Bub: Because she used to smoke, and smoking makes you sick. It's dangerous and yucky.

So, then Bub got sick, and lost her voice. Then, it started to come back, but it was gravelly - you know, like Terri's. So, I walked in the door after work at the height of her crummy week.

Meatball (incredibly worried look on his face): Mommy! Mommy!
Me: What?!?!
Meatball: Mommy Kel had her voice box cut out!!!

I thought he was going to have a full-blown panic attack! He's ok now. So is Bub.

Jensen Family Holiday Party, 2011

2011-12-15T05:24:00.000-08:00

Like I mentioned before, Bub was far too sick to come to this party. The boys and I headed out at 9am, and after two hours of good music and making a huge mess with breakfast (muffins - what was I thinking - crumbs everywhere) we were in Mt. Pleasant and greeted by a practically empty parking lot. No biggie, I thought, because my cousins and siblings would be along shortly. Sadly, I was wrong. This was the most poorly attended family party of my entire life. In that way, it sucked.

START RANT: I'm a little irritated that more people didn't show up. My aunt goes through a lot of trouble to rent the hall, get Santa to come, and make goodie bags (out of her own pocket) for everyone. She was left with about 40 extra goodie bags, and I'm pretty sure that we didn't cover the cost of the hall. What makes it worse is that we voted as a family to continue having this party after my grandma died. Now, we're not showing up. Pissed. OK - END RANT.

We had a fun time regardless of the fact that so few people were there. I got to catch up with a bunch of cousins and squeeze the cheeks of a new baby (who has the cutest Charlie Brown head with the fattest cheeks of any baby I've seen in a long time). I spent a lot of time running from Peanut to Meatball and back again about 700 times. Would it kill them to like doing the same thing at the same time? Sheesh!

Here they are with my cousin R and his wife K making their own bouncy balls. Meatball was all over this. Totally fascinating. Peanut just happened to stop by to see what the fuss was about.

Most of the time, Peanut was on the stage playing trains. Thank goodness that my cousin's daughter (two years younger than the boys) wanted to play cars and trains, too.

After eating, the boys sang a song for Aunts C and D. They did a really good job. Then, wouldn't you know it? We heard jingle bells at the door! Both boys looked at me with the cutest, widest eyes in the world. "It's Santa!" they both declared.

Santa and Mrs. Clause walked down the hall, and Peanut went completely ape shit. "Santa! Santa! It's Santa!" and on and on. Meatball, on the other hand, looked right at me and said "Mom, that's NOT the same guy."

Yes - it's true. We saw Santa at the pharmacy and sat on his lap not a week earlier. Oh, crap.

Me: Oh, it's the same guy, honey. It's Santa!
Meatball: Mom. It's not the same guy. He looks different.
Me: Look! He brought Mrs. Clause!
Meatball (not falling for the distraction): Why is he different?

What is a mom to do?

So, Santa sat down and started pulling gifts out of his bag for the kids.
Peanut: Santa! It's Santa! Saaaannnntaaaaa!!!!!
Meatball just sits still.

Of course Santa pulls Meatball's present out first.
Mrs. Clause: [Meatball]! Where is [Meatball]?
Meatball (whispering): That's not the present I asked for, mom.
Me: Oh, the elves are probably still working on that, honey. Go see Santa!
Meatball (whispering): No.
Me (pushing him off of my lap): Just go see him.

Meatball approaches Santa very warily, completely eye-balling him the whole time. He looks at Santa (super suspiciously), then to Mrs. Clause, then to me, and back to Santa, up and down. He takes his place on Santa's lap.

Santa: Ho, ho, ho! How are you?
Meatball (through clenched teeth): Fine.
Santa: Have you been a good boy?
Meatball (teeth still clenched): Yes.
Peanut (whispering): Mom! Look! Look! Mom, mom, mom!
Santa: What would you like for Christmas?
Meatball just looked at me with a See-I-Told-You-It-Wasn't-The-Same-Guy look.
Peanut (whispering): It's Santa!!!
Meatball (low voice and clenched teeth): Pet Vet.
Santa (looking confused): What was that?
Meatball (still...): Pet Vet.
Santa just looked at me.
Peanut (whispering): Oooooo, it's Santa!
Me (loudly, for Santa's benefit): Oh, yeah. That Pet Vet is going to be fun!
Santa: Oh, yes! The elves are working on that right now! Now, to get this present, you have to be a good boy. Have you been a good boy for mommy and daddy?
Meatball is completely exasperated at this point and thinks that Santa is the dumbest human on the face of the earth.
Meatball: I don't have a daddy.
Santa (stunned): Uhhhhhh......
I wish I knew what Santa was thinking right then.
Peanut (whispering): I'm so excited!
Me (to Peanut): I know, honey. Me too!
Meatball: I have two moms.
Santa: __________ (silence, but at least he has closed his mouth by now)
Meatball: One mom is sick and at home. This mom (pointing to me) is not sick. This is my not sick mom.
(Gee, thanks. I'll alert the religious right.)
Santa looked at me for some guidance. I had none to give him.
Santa: OK - you be a good boy! Ho, ho, ho!
Peanut: Oh, I hope it's my turn! (It wasn't. It was Aiden's turn instead.)
Finally...
Mrs. Clause: [Peanut]! Where's [Peanut]?
Peanut (practically rushing the Clause couple): It's me! It's me!
Santa: And, what do you want for Christmas?
Peanut: THOMAS! And Gordon and Lady and Diesel 10 and a wooden Percy and Iron 'Arry and Iron Bert, and blah-ditty-blah-ditty-blah on and on about trains.
Santa: ________ (silent because he couldn't get a word in edge-wise)

In the end, they were both happy with their little gifts, and they even sang Santa their song before he left the building. Then, afterwards, we took a walk around the buildings there and looked for reindeer tracks where Santa may have parked his sleigh. We found some. Well, they could have been dog tracks or ostrich tracks or elephant tracks, but I managed to find the deer hoof outline. (No matter that there were no SLEIGH tracks...)

And, now, gratuitous child/Santa pics:

I even sat on Santa's lap. (How else was I going to get my goodie bag? It had a rice krispie treat in it, for pete's sake!)
I asked for new running socks.
I hope that I get them since I only have two pair (unless you count the mis-matched pair that I have to wear once in a while...).

Home

2011-12-13T05:15:00.000-08:00

Here's one of my favorite parts of the valley that I grew up in: the view of the Horseshoe mountain. It's actually half of an ancient volcanic crater, and it's beautiful year round.

Growing up

2011-12-12T06:15:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we were driving to the annual Jensen family Christmas party. Bub was sick and couldn't come, so that meant that I got to listen to music that she doesn't really like! Bummer that she was missing the whole thing with a horrible sore throat and general achiness, but yay for 10,000 Maniacs!

Until "How You've Grown" came on. Here's the part of the lyrics that got me:
Every time we say goodbye
You're frozen in my mind
As the child that you never will be
You never will be again
This used to really get me when my (36-year-old-not-so) little brother was in the National Guard and stationed in Iraq.

But, I made the mistake of looking in the rear view and visor mirrors during this song to see these handsome little men:

Did I get all teary-eyed? Oh, for the love! It was practically a sob fest! My babies aren't babies anymore. They will never be this little again. They are going to go on and do wonderful things, sure, but mommy is going to miss these little guys. Bub and I already miss the true babies and the learning to walk and the learning to talk and needing help to swing and the frosting on the face birthdays and all of that.

Here is my view of me. Yes, I was at a stop sign and after the tears had subsided a bit. AND, since I had just taken surprise pictures of the boys, they somewhat knew what was up and kept saying "smile, mommy." Hence the (partial) reason for the wrinkles around my eyes. (OK, fine. I'm old.....)

Hugs and kisses to my little stinkers. No matter how big you get, I will always love you. ~Mommy

Dance your pants off!

2011-12-11T06:08:00.000-08:00

I just found these pictures that were taken at Joe's Crab Sh*ck earlier this year. The boys thought that it was cool that all of the waiters started dancing at the same time (even though the waiters don't seem to like it all that much), and they decided to join in. Sadly, Peanut didn't do any breakdancing.....

Christmas movie night

2011-12-11T06:04:00.000-08:00

A couple of nights ago, one of the cable stations was playing a grundle of the old claymation movies like Santa Clause is Coming to Town, The Year Without a Santa Clause, and etc. I try to limit the boys' TV viewing time because I know that they already get too much, but c'mon! How can I possibly turn them away from the classics?

The dogs were watching with us. Well, ok. The dogs were snoring. The boys thought that Sadie the Spaz needed to be wrapped up. Here she is with my "snuggly, cuddley blanket" and a heating pad. (Don't worry, it was only on her for about three minutes. After that, she had to get up and run around the house again for no apparent reason.)

Sadly, there are no pictures of Liz because she was hidden away in her favorite corner (probably shedding big black tufts of hair while sawing logs).

Bub was (and still is) sick, so she had gone to bed at about 6pm. No fun for Bub! :-(

But, here are the three of us having a good time. (Shockingly, neither had scratched or chased or pulled-the-shirt-collar-of or pushed or kicked the other for about 15 minutes at this point. Yay for claymation movies!)

awake early

2011-12-10T06:11:00.001-08:00

Five a.m. hit, and I was awake. I tried to go back to sleep, but it was no use since I get up 45 minutes earlier during the week. So, I thought I might go for a run; Spaz-dog (and my ass) could surely use it! I decided to wait a few minutes until I was, um, ready.

Not five minutes later, the Peanut was in the TV room with me. I swear, that kid can hear a pin drop. Or, maybe it was the brush that I dropped while combing my rats nest. Whatever.

So here I am - laying on the couch with a sleeping Peanut sprawled across my lap. Lizzy is snoring on the floor at my feet while Sadie takes up the other couch (which she's not supposed to be on). Meatball is in the big bed with Bub (who snored so loudly last night that it woke me several times - it sucks when she is sick). By this time, Meatball has tossed and turned himself around so many times that Bub will accuse him of literally walking on her.

This would be a great time for some self reflection, but I'm too shallow for that kind of nonsense. I'm watching Sex/City reruns instead.

And, now I'm hungry. Can't wake the prince, though.

Rainbow Tree

2011-12-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

I was running yesterday morning, and I saw this tree in a store front window. It's hard to decipher it because of the window reflection, but it's funny nonetheless. I totally want this tree for our tacky, shag carpet, paneling basement!

Thanksgiving place settings

2011-12-07T15:46:00.001-08:00

To keep the boys busy while the turkey was cooking, we made some place settings. CUTE!

Halloween dresses

2011-12-07T15:43:00.000-08:00

Yes - dresses.
Peanut insisted on being Rapunzel, so we went to the thrift store and bought him this little pink number. Before I spiffed it up and added to it, he wanted to wear it. Well, then Meatball was bummed because he didn't have a fancy dress to wear, so I grabbed one of my sarongs and he cheered right up. How cute are my dressed up boys?

Where is the logic?

2011-12-06T06:13:00.001-08:00

I am a logical person. I like things to make sense. I plan. I do not typically fly by the seat of my pants. I like logic. Today's examples of illogical behavior:

While reading an article about health: "it's ok to keep looking and getting second opinions.". Um, there is only ONE second opinion.

While waiting for my mammogram office to open (TMI?), I had to potty (again, TMI?). Manual flush toilets and faucet handles? Really? In a brand new hospital where we're trying to CONTROL the spread of disease? And it's not like the building is old. It's maybe 3 years old, so I know that the technology for motion sensor restroom appliances was around when the "old fashioned" stuff was installed. At least the paper towels were motion sensor. Sadly, they are 20 feet away from the faucet, so nobody is going to walk all the way back to turn off the running water.

Where is the logic, people?

A thought to remember and live by

2011-12-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

This quote was published in our holiday newsletter at work and is attributed to the company's Chair of the Board:

"There is no more certain path to joy in life than a thankful heart." ~Carolyn Tanner Irish

sympathy

2011-12-04T19:37:00.001-08:00

Bub was yammering on about making a tunnel for Peanut's train out of one of those big metal popcorn barrels.

Bubba: But - I would probably cut a finger off.
Me: Yes, you probably would.
Bubba (knowing full well that I'm right): Oh, ye of little faith.
Me: Come on. Have you seen your finger? (She cut half of her index finger off on a band saw 20 years ago.)
Peanut: I want to see your finger!
Bubba: OK. See this finger? I cut it off!
Peanut (in all seriousness and shaking his head): Oh, that's a shame!

Yes. We cracked up.

About my family

2011-12-04T06:11:00.000-08:00

I don't mention my siblings very often - primarily because we don't do anything together. For some reason, for years I was under the illusion that we were a close family. After my mom died, I realized that we really weren't, aren't, and probably never will be. It's a shame because there are five remarkably different personalities that could create a raucous good time if we would only have our little pissing contest and move on.

I joke about them a lot. There is some truth to the jokes, but everything I say is from my perspective: a middle child who constantly aims to please but can't seem to ever get it quite right, the one who will never be quite good enough, the peace maker. I do love them all. I honestly do. But, collectively, we are a bunch of jackasses who can't seem to get out of our way to save ourselves.

The Conspiracy Theorist: The oldest - scarred by a young life in two dysfunctional families - nervous about anything that the government does (and I'm starting to agree with him in some aspects) - surprisingly stable - the BEST fisherman since my grandpa (from whom he learned how to get trout to practically jump into the boat) - the keeper of our childhood home - the one with the biggest heart - the one that never holds a grudge - the one that will be there, no matter what.

The Nutcase: She really is crazy - for years, I thought that she was certifiable, but now I realize that she is just incredibly independent (a survival technique) and doesn't really give two shits if you like her or not - she's crazy enough that she will retire ten years before the rest of us fools, and she is never home because she has too much to do/see/experience - she has a loud laugh, a wild sense of humor, and is always on the lookout for an adventure - she used to let things worry her and weigh her down, but now she just lets it all go (I'm actually kind of jealous!).

The Golden Child: He just seemed to be perfect as we were all growing up - the successful bull rider (yes, seriously, professional and everything!), funny, and popular (but not in a quarterback kind of way) - everything just seemed to fall into place for him (of his own making or just by luck, I may never know) - he's the one that got the majority of our dad's attention and affection, and it's very possible that we all still feel ripped off to this day (or maybe it's just me - yes, I have issues) - he used to be really easy going, but I've recently come to realize that he carries a grudge longer than anyone I've ever known - he's nostalgic and, surprisingly, he believes a bit in spirits.

The Bitch: That would be me - I am the quintessential middle child, and I'm far too realistic and responsible for my own good or for the other siblings' taste - I'm the one that gets to do things like work with the guy that created my mom's headstone, disburse her meager life insurance policy, notify all of her contacts about her death, etc. etc. etc - I will say what needs to be said unless it means confrontation with my dad or a sibling and then I dance around the subject or just take care of it on my own - I am blunt and can be a bit mean - I have a master's degree but still say "left" when I mean "right" - I don't express my love to people very often even though I always want to say it - when I get hurt, I carry a grudge - my relationships are difficult - I am often hard to be around(good gawd - is there a therapist out there?) - when I make a true friend, I am a friend forEVER.

The Angry One: As the baby of the family, I don't think that he's supposed to be angry, but he can certainly get that way - it's not a surprise that he and I get along pretty well - he really got the shaft when our parents divorced - we don't really talk about that, though - he's a former Marine and Army National Guardsman (I'm pretty proud of that) - I think that his tours of Kuwait and Okinawa were good for him, but his tour of Iraq really soured him on the inherent goodness of people because he has a hard time seeing that now - he's crafty and ingenious and can fix anything - he's a good dad - he, too, carries a grudge.

But, I love them all. I love spending what little time we have together because we almost always manage to laugh more than cry or fight. Sometimes their spouses really piss me off, but mine's no saint, either. I try to get us all in the same place at the same time at least once a year which shouldn't be hard since we're only separated by two hours of drive time, but it never works out. I don't think that we all really, truly want to be there. We haven't been together since 1999 - pathetic. I'll just keep trying.....

Stinky uncle

2011-11-24T23:36:00.001-08:00

So, we were eating our breakfast, and a Febr*ze commercial came on. I'm not sure why they are fascinated with that product, but they are.
Peanut: It's Befreeze!
Me: Yes, it's Befreeze. (He just doesn't get it right. It's pretty funny.)
Peanut: I want to go see!
Me: No. How 'bout you eat? (We were in another room.)
Peanut: We have Befreeze.
Me: Yes, we do.
Meatball: Granny has Febr*ze.
Me: Yup.
Peanut: Nana has Befreeze.
Me (feigning excitement): Yup. Everyone has it!
Meatball: Except Uncle Jake.
Me (how does he know this about Uncle Jake?): Hmmm... Well, maybe Uncle Jake's house doesn't stink.
Meatball: It does when he farts!!

Adverbs

2011-11-24T06:10:00.001-08:00

Peanut: I really hope I get a Thom*s Chuggy Chug track from Santa.
Me: Honey, you already have a wooden track and a gray track. What is a chuggy chug track?
Peanut: It's the ULTIMATE-SUPER-COOL track!

Uh, riiiiight. I have no idea what he is talking about.

National Adoption Blogging Day

2011-11-21T19:17:00.001-08:00

So, here's the thing: I'm the one that wanted to have kids more than anything. I did this knowing that I would have to keep working in order for our kids to have medical insurance - at least in our lovely state. It took a LONG time for Bub to decide that she would be a good parent and to agree to giving it a go.

Now, since she became unemployed (and can't find anything due to this awesome economy), she has been home every single day with the boys for 30 months. Now, try to tell me that they would not be traumatized if something happened to me and they were taken from her.

To the state, she is a legal stranger to them.

To them, she feeds them, helps them brush their teeth, plays trains, sings christmas songs, tickles them, goes for walks, takes them to story time at the library, takes them for ice cream, helps them practice their writing and math, and watches Wonder Pets or Thomas or Super Why. She is their parent.

Someday, she will be able to legally proclaim this. At least, I hope so.

Funny little Peanut

2011-11-19T19:32:00.001-08:00

Peanut went potty. Not five minutes later, he was standing by the wall looking at his (uber-cool) train track that spreads for eight feet across the floor. He looked up at me and said "My pee thinks that my pants are a potty!" Then, he ran to the potty again.

Fifteen minutes later, he was playing with trains on the aforementioned track with the TV on in the background, and he said (to no one in particular) "That Breaking Dawn movie is pissing me off." I asked him why, and he replied "Because it freaks me out!"

Generosity

2011-11-18T08:36:00.000-08:00

Every year, the employees at our company come together to help provide Thanksgiving meal boxes to the Utah Food Bank for families that would otherwise have nothing. Teams gather items together for a couple of weeks and then box everything. Donated gift cards are included so that needy families can purchase a turkey or a ham or whatever. At last count, we were ready to donate 156 full boxes of food along with random extra food. This is just a portion of the boxes that will be loaded on the company truck and delivered later today:

The beautiful part of this is that it is just the beginning of what is truly "the most wonderful time of the year." This is such a generous company due partly to the employees. I mean, the company itself is AMAZING - like, COMPLETELY AMAZING - but the employees make it OUTSTANDING. I am so lucky to work here.

**Final count: 162 Thanksgiving dinners and several additional boxes of food. Seriously, we kick (turkey) butt!

Chop, chop, TIMBERRRRR!

2011-11-18T08:30:00.000-08:00

The boys' swimming instructors are good about keeping the kids in line and focused during lessons. This, of course, gets really boring after 30 minutes, and the last thing that they get to do is something fun called "chop, chop, timber."

Basically, the kids sit down and act like a seed (which means do nothing, just in case you've never actually seen what a seed does). The instructor splashes water on them, and they slowly grow into a tree. Then, the instructor places her palms together (an axe) and asks what kind of tree they are before she makes two chopping motions and cuts down the tree. At that point, they get to dive into the water (which is really a limbs-flailing jump or sometimes a cannonball). While doing it, the instructor says with growing excitement in her voice "chop, chop, timberrrrrr!"

Usually the boys are a pokey (pine) tree, or an apple tree, or an orange tree, but last week when asked, Meatball declared himself to be a chocolate tree to which his instructor answered "You are going to be every woman's favorite tree!"

Beautiful

2011-11-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

On the way home from work a few nights ago, I just had to stop and take a picture of the sunset over the Stansbury mountains.

lazy parenting, 101

2011-11-14T19:10:00.001-08:00

After a long day of saving the world, one recognition award at a time, sometimes I just don't have the patience or energy to be an awesome mom. So, we're watching a movie tonight because it is the only thing I can think of that will keep them calm for a few minutes. I will say that they are clean, fed, their teeth are brushed, and I *DID* teach them how to play rock/scissors/paper.

That being said, I feel that it is my responsibility to let non-twin affiliated folks know that it is pointless to try and play rock/scissors/paper with twins. It's not a rumor that they have their own language and way of understanding. So, here's the story about rock/scissors/paper: THEY CHOOSE THE SAME THING EVERYTIME! Great, two rocks. Ah, two papers. Hmmm, two scissors. Nobody ever wins!

Everybody plays the fool, sometimes...

2011-11-11T14:32:00.001-08:00

I didn't realize until today that in order for someone to be made a fool, there must also be someone being a complete tool. Sometimes, it's the same person, but it really hurts when it's someone close to you. Call me a fool for thinking that this person would change. Even if change wasn't an option, call me a bigger fool for thinking that tact and sensitivity would be used (especially when I expressly asked for it).

To [insert name here]: You are a friggin' tool. Sadly, this is going to take me a while to get over.

movie review: Elmo in Grouchland

2011-11-05T20:10:00.001-07:00

So, here's the scene: the mean man who bullies everyone in Grouchland just took Elmo's blanket and won't give it back.

Me: Well, that man is rude!
Peanut: Yeah! I would kick his butt!
Me: Maybe we should just ask him to count to ten and then talk to him. If he doesn't want to talk, he should go to the naughty corner.
Meatball: Or, maybe he should go to jail with the police!
Me: Well, maybe.
Peanut: I would just kick his butt!

So much for non-violent problem solving!

And, yes. It's a Saturday night, and we're watching Elmo in Grouchland. Can we party, or what?
See?!?! It's a gripping tale:

(And, you've got to love Peanut's socks, right? Meatball's gray/black checkered flag patterned socks aren't much better. You just can't see them here. I don't know why Granny can't just buy white, tan, or black socks.)

This night of movie fun follows a day of de-scaling the teapot and coffee maker, cleaning the toilet and sink, washing the dishes twice, picking the last of the apples from an icy and snowy tree, making apple leather, doing laundry, and sledding down the hill in the back yard. (And all that was just me! Bubba read her book and fought stomach problems all day.) Seriously. We know how to spend a Saturday.

Sunday will bring more sledding with our friends and more things with apples. (I don't know what yet, but I have at least 15 pounds of them!)

I'm a home canning maniac!

2011-10-30T18:46:00.001-07:00

I HAVE EXACTLY *ONE* EMPTY JAR IN THIS WHOLE HOUSE!

This is why:
7 pints relish
3 quarts mustard pickles
6 quarts veggie stock
7 quarts peaches
19 quarts applesauce
12 quarts apple pie filling
10 quarts stewed tomatoes
8 quarts spaghetti sauce
6 pints salsa
21 pints beets
19 quarts pears
69 bottles various sizes/flavors jam (no, I'm not kidding)

In the freezer, we have more beets, 6 bags zucchini, chard, elderberries, more applesauce.

Then, there's the meats, frozen soups, and store-bought goods, too. I LOVE my pantry!

She's awesome

2011-10-21T19:40:00.001-07:00

I NEVER have to dust. If you were into it, you could eat off of our kitchen floor. She only occasionally washes my dry-clean-only stuff. She is willing to hang out with my ex. Dinner is frequently waiting when I come home from work. She sits for hours at marathon finish lines (because it takes me hours to get to it).

But, I'll be good and goddamned if I can get her to scrub the bathroom tub.

I can't wait to see this movie!

2011-10-20T12:01:00.001-07:00

I have no idea what is in or coming to theaters if it's not animated. I haven't even seen half of the Oscar winners from eight months ago. What I DO know is that I will be seeing this movie:

October's been a bit busy

2011-10-19T04:48:00.000-07:00

In addition to the canning (pears, applesauce, etc.), October has been a rather busy month so far! The leaves are changing, and we did our first elderberry picking. We should have done it three days earlier, but oh well. It was a beautiful day in the canyon.

We also attended the yearly open house at the fire station. They put on a good show. The kids get to sit in the fire trucks, go through the "life activity house" where they learn what to do and not to do with grease fires, medication, hot stoves, toaster fires, and curling irons. They get to practice calling 911, and fake smoke comes into the bedroom, and the kids learn how to escape. Treats, videos, and activity books are given out. Best of all, they got to pee in a fireman's potty, and they got to work the fire hose!

One of our favorite books is The Lorax. It is my favorite Dr. Seuss book, by far, and I like to do voices for the characters as I am reading it. Every time we see a tree stump, Meatball jumps on it and yells "Ga-zump! I am the Lorax; I speak for the trees 'cuz the trees have no tongues!" Peanut got in on the action on this day. He was a Lorax, too. I was the Once-ler; I wasn't really very happy about that...

Back in September, the boys were playing at Granny's door. Peanut slammed it and caught Meatball's toe. The nail has been just waiting to fall off since then. It finally did:

Then, the toenail fairy came that night and left him "many coins" and a mini KitKat which he shared with his brother, apparently forgetting exactly who slammed the door on his toe in the first place.

And, seriously, this is good art:

I cut out the shapes, and Meatball put it together. I think that he did a remarkable job! Peanut doesn't share in the desire to do crafty stuff, but he did have a good time cutting up paper and making a mess.

Open house at work

2011-10-17T04:46:00.001-07:00

We had an open house at work a few weeks ago. I don't know why Bub insisted on getting the boys all excited about it. I mean the technology and the machines that we use to create awards are great, but none of that stuff would be running for the open house. Even if it had been, that's not what I do. But, we went anyway so that everyone could see my cubicle and hundreds of others just like it. Thrilling.

The boys did have a good time sitting at my desk and pretending to make phone calls. I let them watch a couple of videos on my computer, and now they think that all I do is watch YouTube all day. Yeah, as if that's going to pay the mortgage (but wouldn't it be great if it did?)!

Then, while Peanut was watching yet another Thomas video, Meatball drew on my whiteboard. This is a picture of me. Quite a good resemblance, actually. He started with my lips first and had to maneuver around them for the rest of the picture. Interesting approach. I may never erase my whiteboard again! Such talent!

I feel pretty....

2011-10-10T04:43:00.000-07:00

Guess who got into mommy's makeup?

Peanut found it a couple of days later, but Bub had him cleaned up before I could get a picture. A couple of days after that, Meatball got into it again, but this time he got the mascara just right. In fact, he did a better job than I do each morning!

How much fun is soccer?

2011-10-07T04:11:00.001-07:00

Well, I'll tell ya: it's not.

Last week as Peanut was sitting in my lap pouting about being at soccer in general, Meatball was moping down the field. He stopped in the middle of the field as all of the other kids were mobbing the net on the south end of the field. He turned to us (and all of the parents from both teams) and shouted "I. HATE. SOCCER!!!!"

It was impossible to not laugh.

goodbye garden

2011-10-07T04:04:00.001-07:00

It's so depressing to finally be forced to clean up the garden, but the first snow storm of the season will do that to you. (Seriously, 12" in the Wasatch mountains on October 6?)

So, I stripped all of the oregano off the stems, cut the parsley tops, and plucked tarragon leaves. All of these are drying in the oven right now. I also picked about 12 more peppers, 2 zucchini, 3 small yellow squash, and 30-ish un-ripe tomatoes which are now layered between newspapers in a box in the pantry.

This weekend will be more pears (in some fashion), perhaps some dried tomatoes, something with those peppers (maybe more salsa?), and get busy with apples which should keep me busy for a few weekends.

String of names - whats the draw?

2011-09-22T15:42:00.001-07:00

Bub and I both watched the 10th anniversary 9/11 memorial programs on and off for the whole day. When the boys napped, we were glued to the TV. When they were awake, we censored what came on.

Early in the day, she was watching the ceremony at Ground Zero as the victims' names were read. For some reason, this really had an impact on Peanut who still recites his own names at least once per day, 11 days later.
James Shurter
Thomas Clandon
Molly Magger
And my uncle, Gordon Stanley
Yes, the first names are all Thomas the Train characters, and the surnames are all made up and usually mumbled, but he recites some version of this every day.

*****

When I graduated from Westminster earlier this year, the boys attended a couple of different ceremonies. After each and for weeks later, Meatball would do something similar to what I've just described Peanut doing. However, since he is not obsessed with any particular toy, both names are a bit unintelligible until the end. Oh yeah - he also adds titles:
Gurshen Polling, MBA
Janna Reggish, MBA
Clim Thadoll, MBA
Kaye Beeny, MBA (and then he claps and cheers)

****

What's the deal with the stream of names? Why would something like that stick with them? Interesting.

Gooooooooo, Real Salt Lake!!!

2011-09-18T19:15:00.000-07:00

The boys are playing soccer with TC United. We're on one of the Grantsville teams, but that doesn't really matter. We just wanted them to have an opportunity to interact with new kids, run around, and listen to someone other than the regular adults in their lives.

I like our coach. He hadn't planned to be a coach, but if he hadn't stepped up, there wouldn't have been a team at all. (I totally would have done it, but we were late to sign up. Oh, and I know nothing about soccer. But other than that....) TC United is very well organized, and I am impressed with them so far. Our coach doesn't focus on the rules of the game or positions or anything. Honestly, there are eight 4-5 year olds. I think that he is doing great if the kids are just staying on the field!

Anyway, the local professional soccer team (Real Salt Lake, which is pretty dang good) allows the youth teams to come to the game for free one time per season, so we recently attended along with a bunch of other Tooele County players. Bub and I had a great time because it was really quite exciting, and the night was beautiful. (The pictures don't do the sunset justice.)

The boys really enjoyed themselves because we got to ride the train, AND we caved in and bought them blue cotton candy.

Funny - Love 'em!

2011-08-30T20:45:00.001-07:00

Peanut: But, mom! We can't go to sleep; we're too hyperd.

Meatball (in the middle of the soccer game, running to us and away from the ball): Mom, look! A puffball!

Mommy 2 - To - Two - Too

2011-08-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

I am Mommy to Meatball and Peanut, and they are amazing. AMAZING. I adore them. How can you not? (Unless Peanut is screaming in your face. Ug, lately....)

Anyway

A long time ago (four years), I made up a song and I would sing it almost every night. In it, I sang about how my life was complete with the boys and "mommy, too."
Well, Bub didn't like that much. She said it sounded like I was saying mommy TWO, and she didn't want the boys to think that she was a less important mom. "Oh, you're being silly," I would tell her.

One night, about a year ago, we were all sitting around the dinner table, and we were counting.
Me: How many dogs to we have?
Boys: One, two!
Me: How many eyes do you have?
Boys: One, two!
Me: How many boys are there in this room?
Boys: One, two!
Me: How many mommies do you have?
Boys: One (pointing at Bub), two (pointing at me)!

Ever since then, I have been Mommy Two.
Bub was right. It sucks.

What is WRONG with people?

2011-08-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

The boys and I were on the way home from the park the other day. They were on their bikes, and we were headed up a gradual incline which means that I was pushing, and they were whining. It was about 11am (that's important).

Well, after a block and a half of this, all of a sudden a little girl ran into the road. Like - little - as in, 18 months! She was just making words like "pink" and "mommy" and "there" - all in baby babble, of course. Luckily, it was a very infrequently traveled street.

Me: Ooooooh! No, no, no, nooooo - sweetie! Go to your house!
Baby: Hi!
Me: Honey - where is your mommy?
Baby: oer deh (over there, pointing to brown house)
Me: Go get your mommy!
Baby: aaahhh, eeehhh, basset (something, something, basket - she was carrying a purple easter basket, complete with eggs and plastic grass and half eaten chocolate sucker - in August)

Well, I couldn't just let her stand in the middle of the road, and she wasn't moving. So, I grabbed the boys off of their bikes, and we snatched her up from them middle of the road, and took her to the brown house where I knocked on the door - hard. (While I waited, I took in the baby and the surroundings: dirt - no grass, bricks laying everywhere, no rail on the porch, no fence around the dirt, tampon applicators on the ground as if the dog had ripped apart a garbage bag - eeewww, baby with an obviously sagging diaper that hadn't been changed in hours, at least six inches of of dirt on the bottom of the baby's PJ bottoms, bare feet covered with dirt and dust, pathetic.)

Knocking.
Nothing.
I knocked again, and again, and again.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
I walked around to the back yard and yelled in hopes of finding someone who had just lost track of a little person.
Nothing.

So, really, it seemed like she had come out of the white house next door, and lo and behold here wanders two other kids (4 and 18 months) from out of the white house, also without parental supervision. So, I dragged the first little girl and the two new little girls over to the white house and pounded on that door. It was answered.
Me: Does this one belong to you?
Young Mom: No, she lives next door.
Me: Do you know where her parents are?
Young Mom: No. Her mom usually works during the day and her grandma takes care of her.

Oh, great. So now I'm thinking that granny has fallen and can't get up, or she's had a stroke, or whatever.
So, young mom decides to go into the back yard and knock on the back door.
Nothing.
Young Mom: Well, you can just leave her with me. I'm sure that they will come looking for her when they get back.
Me: (thinking to myself - I don't frickin' know you! I'm not leaving a baby with someone I don't know! Judas - I wouldn't leave a baby with most of the people that I DO know!)
At this point, Young Mom is tired of the whole thing and goes back to her house. Gee thanks for the help.

I went back to the front door and banged and banged again.
Nothing.
I opened the door wide enough to get my face in, and I hollered into the pig stye at the top of my lungs - several times.
Nothing.
I didn't dare go in because there was a dog guarding the door. He was probably very friendly, but I'm not stupid.

When Young Mom came out and offered to take care of the baby again, I broke the news to her: I had already called the police.
Yes - they were on their way. Yes - they were alarmed. Yes - they seemed to take forever (but they were probably only three minutes).
The Young Mom came back and finally volunteered to go IN to the house. After all, she knew the dog and the people.
She came back out and said that she found someone that looked like she was sleeping. Or at least she was breathing. But Young Mom didn't know who it was. Granny? Mommy? Babysitter?
It didn't really matter, because Officer Thurgood finally arrived.

After giving him the low-down, he really pounded on the door. Serious pounding. I'm actually not sure that I could have physically pounded that hard. Well, someone finally came to the door. The mom. About age 26.

Officer Thurgood: Is this your daughter?
Irresponsible Mom: Oh, Ro! What are you doing outside (feigning concern). I'm so sorry! I was asleep!
[Remember when I said that 11am was important? Are you friggin kidding me?]
Me (totally out of line): I'VE BEEN KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AND YELLING INTO YOUR HOUSE FOR 20 MINUTES! (yes - I was yelling at her - in ALL CAPS)
Irresponsible Mom: Oh, I was asleep! I was asleep!
Me (to myself): It's called a HANGOVER, bitch!
Officer Thurgood: Are there any other kids in the house.
Irresponsible Mom: No, just her.
Officer Thurgood: Has she tried to get out of the house before?
Irresponsible Mom: Yeah. She can open the doors by herself, even if we have a kid lock.
Me (to myself): It's called a chain you idiot!
Me (outloud to cop): Can I go now? I don't really need to hear this crap, do I?
Officer Thurgood: Yes (with a look on his face that said PLEASE GO NOW and stop yelling at this stupid woman)

We put on our bike helmets and headed home. I don't know what happened in the end, but my friend at work (who knows something about these things) says that - by law - a report MUST be filed with DCFS.
I've now driven past that house about 20 times just to make sure that the baby is not in the middle of the road.

Stupid bitch.

Camping, August 2011

2011-08-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

I had taken a week off for a long camping trip, but everything was all turned around due to Granny and Grandpa both having surgeries within a week of each other. So, the camping trip turned into “I’m taking a week off, anyway. Let’s just do some fun stuff.” And we did. We decided to go camping, but it was pretty spur of the moment and much shorter than a week. Getting everything together without much planning is not something that we do well, and we found ourselves getting really impatient with each other and with the kids. We really need to PLAN.

Anyway, we asked if we could use dad’s camper because Peanut had a cold, and we didn’t want it to get worse. That thing is quite the rattle-trap, but it did keep us warmer than if we had been in the tent! It was the boys’ favorite part of the whole trip. In, out, in, out, in, out, climb up to the bed, climb down, up, down, up, down, open the door, close, open, close…..

We went to our favorite spot in Fairview canyon, and since we arrived on a Sunday afternoon, most people were packing up and leaving. It was nice and quiet. We stayed until Tuesday. We got there so late on Sunday that we didn’t really have time to do much but start a fire and make some dinner, but on Monday morning, we were up very early to go fishing. On the way to the ponds, Bub had “Mimi, the finger” out talking to the boys. Mimi asked about fishing, and Meatball explained it like this: “You just rod it out, hook the fish, and swishy it back in.”

We were the only people at Potter’s upper pond for almost the entire morning. I didn’t think that it could happen, but fishing with 4-year olds is harder than fishing with 3-year olds! Cast out, reel in, out, in, out, in. We could have been casting into an aquarium filled with starving trout and wouldn’t have caught anything! Those poor fish didn’t have time to even see the bait, let alone eat it! But, whatever. The boys had fun. In his own words, Peanut was determined to “rail [reel] it out there, and then rail it back in when I catch the fish.”

After we tired of this, the boys and I hiked around the pond so that Bub could actually fish. It was at this time that she caught three. Coincidence? I think not. We walked and talked and talked and talked. Meatball’s poor stuffed dog, Baby, was a dirt covered mess at this point. The live dogs had a great time, especially Sadie. We came to the pond overflow drainage (we called it a ramp) and ran up and down it about 50 times. I think that was their favorite part of the “hike.”

After we finished our trip around the pond, we all moved to the lower pond. This turned out to be a very bad mistake because it smelled like pig poop. Literally. Sadie waded/swam through the worst part of it, and later REALLY stunk up the car. It was awful. Jake said later that there is something wrong with the lower pond because, well, it reeks and fish are dying. But, only in the lower pond. Doesn’t make any sense. When we got back to our campsite, I actually had to take Sadie to the stream and give her a bath; it was that smelly - like pig poop!

No matter what we were doing, the boys wanted to go back to the campsite. I think it’s because that’s where the “mountain house” (dad’s camper) was. There was also some really great dirt to play in.

When we did get back to the campsite, Bub went to the stream to clean the fish. She saw some other fish in a deep part of the stream. We decided to go down there later so that the boys could throw some rocks in the water. Bub decided to toss her line in a few times. It was here that she caught the biggest fish of the entire trip. Easily a 15” brook trout. Nice. Grandpa will be enjoying it very soon. Peanut was all about throwing the rocks, but Meatball was more interested in the current; he kept throwing grass and flowers in so that he could watch where they would go. They are so different….

When we returned to the campsite again, we picked lots of wildflowers and set them in a coffee cup on a stump by the fire. They really added to the ambiance (ha-ha). Later, Peanut was playing in the dirt, and Meatball was trying to see if he could re-plant some of the flowers and get them to grow. He would make a mound of dirt, stick a flower in, and water it. Cute.

Uncle J, Aunt J, and cousin Bill came up to roast hot dogs, and the boys loved playing with their cousin. She tolerated them, but she’s 11 and ready for grown-up conversations (or so she thinks – I think that she needs a new dolly and some sparkles for her hair – she’s growing up too fast!)

Not only did Peanut feel pretty crummy and grumpy during this trip due to his cold, but Liz was also not top form. I forget that she is getting old (11?). It really bums me out. So, we tried to let her take it easy. I think that she was rather pissed about it since “taking it easy” means that she had to stay in the camper for a few minutes at a time. (Really, she didn’t miss anything except some trips to the outhouse, but she thought that we were off on an adventure without her…)

Something that was pretty cool, though, was the fact that Sadie started gathering firewood with us. Spontaneously. All on her own. Really! We were picking up kindling, and she just started picking up little sticks and following us back to the campsite. She’s NOT an idiot! Hurray!

The next day, we got up and went fishing with Uncle J. The first thing Bub did that morning was ask Peanut if he felt OK. He said yes, of course. “No, really. Are you feeling sick?” she asked. Peanut’s response? “Mom. Does it seem like I’m barfing? No! I don’t think so.”

So, that was that. We went fishing on Uncle J’s boat. THAT was fun! Three grown-ups, one pre-teen, two pre-schoolers, and two dogs – and EVERYONE was well behaved! Of course, the boys were sick of fishing after about 10 minutes, and Peanut bossed everyone around by telling them that HE was the captain, but whaddya’ gonna’ do? Bub caught a decent fish and released it. Uncle J caught a sucker, and we all made fun of him (snicker…). Then, someone of a very young age had to potty, so we had to go back to shore. It was about this time that the boat started behaving poorly. We decided to call it a day. We said goodbye to the REAL captain and his first mate, and headed on our way home. The boys were crashed within 30 minutes.

Mr. Sensitive

2011-08-26T15:49:00.001-07:00

Bub took the boys for a walk today. We frequently cut through the cemetary because 1) it's there and 2) it's in the way of every place we want to go. So, they cut through. (Disclaimer: out of respect and privacy, we do try to avoid it if something is happening.)

Well, today they were cutting through before they realized that a funeral was going to take place shortly with military honors. So,as they were walking, Bub was explaining what was happening. She was getting a bit teared up because she's just sweet like that.

The hearse arrived, and the pall bearers removed an urn. Then, the family got out of their car, dressed in black and crying, of course. The military folks weren't quite ready yet, so everyone was just standing there, and this was right when she and the boys were passing the group.

Mr. Meatball very calmly and solemnly walked up to one of the women who was crying and said "I'm sorry that you're having a bad day."

And, he was full-on sincere about it. He was really moved, and he meant it.

Then, the three of them went and sat down in the gazebo, far enough away that they wouldn't distract but close enough that they could see what was happening. Bub explained the whole thing on a 4-year old level, even the 21 gun salute.

But, we've been having FUN!

2011-08-16T17:28:00.000-07:00

Here's a mish-mash of stuff we've been up to in the past couple of weeks:

Stockton Days:
It's the highlight of the year for the little city of Stockton. Really, though? It's probably not big enough to be called a city. Village? Hamlet? Whatever. They put on a big day in the park. Dutch oven cook-off, demonstrations by the fire department, food from the local cafe, talent (or not) show, inflatable sumo-wrestling outfits, games, and bounce houses. There might just be more bounce houses than there are kids in the entire hamlet! This year, one of them had a water slide. We played in it for two hours.

Non-stop, this one. He couldn't get to the top of the slide fast enough!

He was going down the side of the slide so that he wouldn't land in the big 2' pool of water at the bottom. Why? I dunno. He was already soaking wet, and he had to go through the pool to get out....

In the summer, the main floor of our house is sweltering. (No, we still don't have central air.) So, we hide out in the basement in the evenings and watch movies. These pictures suck, but what do you expect from a phone camera in a dark basement?

One afternoon at the beginning of the month, we were killing time in Salt Lake and decided to paddle around the pond in Liberty Park. It took almost a year, but it's been cleaned up nicely since the oil leak; it didn't even stink much. There were plenty of ducks and geese paddling around with us.

No, Meatball isn't as scared as he appears here. He's having fun - you just can't tell.

See? I told you he was having fun.

And, no - mommies weren't required to wear vests because the water at its deepest point would only ever come up to our armpits.

Can I just say how much fun I've been having since finishing up my MBA?
SO MUCH STINKING FUN!!!!!!!

Impressive

2011-08-11T10:48:00.000-07:00

The Peanut had to potty. A #2. So, he did, and all went as should be expected. He did the wiping, the flushing, the hand washing, everything according to textbook (if someone was strange enough to write a textbook about such things).
Upon leaving the bathroom, Bubba said to him "You did a good job, buddy!"
to which he responded "Yeah, I'm fairly impressed!"

Is it possible?

2011-08-09T22:27:00.001-07:00

Really, is it possible to NOT like "The Blind Slide"? Seriously, I think not.

This is bliss...

2011-08-09T21:59:00.001-07:00

Let me construct my current scene for you:

Wife: sleeping to the right - worn out after a day of successful surgery for her mom
Peanut: snuggled, exhausted and next to her from a no-nap day at the zoo
Sade: fidgity 1yr old pup trying to get comfy on the basement bed, crazy from being alone for 2 days
Meatball: sleeping skeewampus and wiped despite the cat-nap in the car after the zoo
Liz: the best dog ever - not walking on the pre-schoolers but still close enough for a scratch

My life is truly wonderful.

Done!

2011-07-29T19:42:00.001-07:00

Why, yes! Actually, I do believe that a couple of tall, frosty mudslides are the best way to celebrate the fact the I JUST COMPLETED AND PASSED MY FINAL MBA PROJECT! Hell, yeah, baby!

fun walk

2011-07-25T12:56:00.000-07:00

We were going to hike to the "T" again, but it was sprinkling a bit, and I'm not going to be stuck on a mountainside in a rainstorm that could have lightening (and every rain in Utah in July could bring lightening). So, instead, we headed out to a flat section of groomed trail between Tooele and Grantsville. It was pretty unexciting scenery. However, we still managed to have fun. In addition to finding a couple of old railroad spikes, we loved the echo tunnel.

Then there were these horses. They were literally following us. We would walk, and they would watch us. When we were about 50 feet past them, they would walk past us as a group. Then, they would watch us as we continued to walk, and then they would do it again. When stopped, they weren't eating or anything. They would just stand in a line and look at us. It was really funny because almost every single one of them had a star, stripe, and snip (although you can't see it very well here):

I really shouldn't be posting, but.....

2011-07-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

Really. I should be working on my final project for school. Then, I'll be a hugely successful professional with a degree and a $350/month bill to prove it. Instead, I had to take a quick break to watch "Chicken Run" with the boys and the Mrs.

Oh, and I just had to share these cute pictures.

We went to dinner at Ruth's Diner for Granny's birthday. Here are the boys being GOOD in public:

And, since it's been a jillion degrees here for days*, here's how middle-aged lesbians cool off:

(*Yes - I know that it has been much hotter in the Midwest and the East coast. We're lucky by comparison...)

OK - I really should work on my "business plan," aka my-it's-never-going-to-happen-because-I-don't-really-want-to-start-my-own-business plan. (But, if I did, it would be a guest ranch in Moab, I swear!)

Listen to your parents!

2011-07-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

So, the boys were watching Nem0 last night as I was doing homework. (I know, I know. I'm a bad mommy, but it's only ten more days before my last presentation. I have a lot to do between now and then.) It's not like they haven't seen it before; they have - several times.

Well, it was the beginning of the movie when Nem0 gets taken away by the scuba diver. The fish dad (Marlin) was telling Nem0 not to touch the boat, and Nem0 inched closer to the boat, and the dad said no, and Nem0 did it anyway. Then, the scuba diver rises from deeper water and scoops Nem0 up to take him away.

At this moment, Meatball declared: And THAT'S why you should listen to your parents!

Hysterical. Smart boy.

Surprise! It's me!

2011-07-20T04:18:00.001-07:00

When I got home from work on Monday, Peanut brought me a long, red ribbon - the kind that you curl with the scissors and use to wrap presents.
Peanut: Mommy, tie this around your tummy.
Me: OK. (So, I did.)
Peanut (excitedly gasps): It's a present!!! Can I open it?
Me: Yes.
Peanut (after pulling the string and untying the knot): It's YOU! I just love you! (Gives me a big, squeezy hug.)

Welcome home, indeed!

Weekend of hiking

2011-07-11T03:32:00.000-07:00

Bub wasn't feeling very good this weekend, so I took the dogs and boys out for some hikes in hopes of getting everyone tired. It worked on the dogs.

We got up early on Saturday morning and met Nana at the bottom of Middle Canyon so that we could all hike up to the "T". I've never hiked this before, so we had no idea how far or how difficult it would be. Turns out, it's not bad if you know what you're doing. In the end, if two 4-year olds can do it, it's not hard at all.

Here's the "T" from the gate (which included three No Trespassing signs that I pretended not to see):

Getting to the "T" isn't hard or long unless you're stopping to look at flowers, bugs, rocks, and whatever else little boys like to look at. However, once you get right below the "T", there is a horrible little trail that you need to scrabble up:

And, technically, you don't have to scrabble up that miserable, loose rock, goat trail if you see THE SWITCHBACK TRAIL that makes it ten times easier. There was a group of three guys and their three pre-teen boys at the T, and one of them trotted down the switchback to show us how to go. I think that he was worried that we were going to slide down the rotten trail and get hurt. He was really on to something because we probably would have.

Once we got to the "T", we found that it isn't a big cement letter painted white nor is it a bunch of white rocks trapped in a rebar formation (although it looks like it used to be both of these things). Instead, it is a big vinyl thing that is (unfortunately) fun to slide on. After almost going head first down the steep hill, I put a quick stop to the sliding.

So, we sat down for a quick snack of watermelon, yogurt, water, and PB&J sandwiches (which the dogs ate because I dropped them all in the dirt).

Then, we called Bub to tell her that we had made it and wave to her. (Since we can see the "T" from our house, Meatball was convinced that she could see not only the "T" but that she could also see us; we just looked really, really, small.) We really had a good time, and we managed to spend three hours of a beautiful day enjoying the sunshine.

On Sunday, we got a later start. Nana didn't go this time, so it was just me, the boys, and the dogs. We went a little ways up Jacob's Canyon which is just east of Stockton. This was a totally different kind of hike. It was much drier and dustier. We really didn't know where we were going, so we just wandered around relatively close to the car. It was much hotter since we started two hours later than the previous day. There was a lot of trash and shotgun shell casings. While unfortunate, it gave me a good chance to talk to the boys about littering and taking care of the things around us that we love and appreciate. I wish we would have had some garbage bags. We could have filled them. We didn't hike nearly as far or as long as the previous day because we found some really silky sand and spent a lot of time getting very dirty in it. Who cares, right? They were having FUN!

Baseball game

2011-07-11T03:16:00.000-07:00

We recently had a chance to go to a Bee's baseball game and sit in the suite. It was really cool to have what the boys termed "our own private room" even though we were sharing it with 12 other people. They had no intention of watching the game. We spent most of our time in the suite eating popcorn and cookies, riding the elevator, wandering around the grounds, and riding the train. Oh, and flirting with girls (the boys, not the moms.)
Here they are enjoying one of many train rides. The "Thing 1" and "Thing 2" t-shirts were a hit.

You're Joking!

2011-07-08T15:59:00.001-07:00

Peanut: Mommy, I have a joke for you.
Me (all excited because neither of them have ever told a joke before): OK, what is it?
Peanut: Knock knock
Me: Who's there?
Peanut: Family
Me: Family who?
Peanut: My family is me, my brother, Mom, and you!
Then, he laughed like crazy. We couldn'þ help but laugh, too. Then, thinking he was actually funny...

Peanut: Mommy, I have another joke for you.
Me: all right.
Peanut: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Peanut: Ben
Me: Ben who?
Peanut: Ben. I'm a boy.
He laughed hysterically again. So did we.

So sweet...

2011-06-30T04:14:00.001-07:00

Meatball is on a kick lately where he tells me that his dad lives at his green house, and his moms live at our white house. Yeah, yeah, yeah - and then I say "You know that you have no dads; you only have two moms. Right?" And he responds with a "yes."

So we were going through this at dinner last night. After the typical exchange, he said "But, I DO have Papa and Grandpa. They are dads."

Me: "Whose dad is Papa?"
Meatball: "He is your dad."
Me: "Whose dad is Grandpa?"
Meatball: "Mommy Kel's, and Granny is her mom."
Me: "That's right."
Meatball: "But who is your mommy?"
Me: "Her name was Arlene. Remember? We talked about her before. She is not here anymore."
Peanut chimes in: "Where is she?"
Me: "She died, honey. That means that she had to go away, and she cannot come back."
Meatball: "You should tell her to come back."
Me: "I can't. I can't talk to her anymore."
Peanut: "She can't come back ever?"
Me: "No, not ever. Sorry honey."
Peanut: "Not even if we sprinkle some magic dust for her?"

Man, I wish it was that easy. It was so sweet, but so sad at the same time. Mom would have been 70 this year. She would have just loved the boys...

From atop the ferris wheel

2011-06-22T03:58:00.000-07:00

We had just gotten off of Rattlesnake Rapids, so Bub was soaked and freezing, and I had lost all of my make-up. The boys loved the ferris wheel.

Fun day at Jungle Jim's Playland

2011-06-09T05:43:00.000-07:00

Again, crappy phone photos. Where was the camera? At home on top of the piano.

Jungle Jim's is a little indoor playland place with overpriced pizza and ride operators who are sullen teenagers that resent the fact that their parents are making them work to pay for their future car. We managed to have fun anyway.

4 years old!

2011-06-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

The weekend of the boys' 4th birthday was fantastic!

We started the celebration on Friday by heading up to Heber to attend A Day Out With Thomas. This was obviously for Peanut since he is fully obsessed with all things train, especially Thomas.

We rode the train.
We played in the maze (unless there were other grown-ups in it - then Meatball freaked out because there were "strangers" by him).
We watched a video.
We played mini golf - well, sort of.
We ate cotton candy.
It was a BLAST!

On Sunday, family and a couple of friends arrived for the birthday party. Imagine the mommies' excitement as Uncle Wade walked up the driveway with an electric keyboard. It was given to cousin Jamie by Granny years ago when she was about eight, and she thought that she wanted to learn the piano. That didn't really pan out, but it's been in their basement since. In a way, it's nice that it's staying in the family and wasn't donated to the local DI. In a way, it's irritating because it's loud and the default song is pretty obnoxious (which is why we're getting it back, I'm SURE). But, in the end, both boys love it although Meatball will sit and play with it for hours.
Here they are with their friend Zack (crappy phone photo, but where is the camera?):

After some very fun games of duck-duck-goose and musical chairs, we brought out the cakes. My friend and co-worker, Lish, completely rocked these cakes. There were squeals of delight and screams of "that's a real Thomas?" and "There are schmuzzies on my cake!" The grown-ups were pretty impressed, too.

Then, our friends, Zack/Jod/Kris spent the night. That was super fun since we've never had a friend sleep over at our house before! We played games and built train tracks all night. It's too bad the weather was cold and rainy.

After our friends left the next morning, we packed up our stuff to go to Little Las Vegas (Wendover). Ever since last year, Meatball has been talking about Vegas and the funny stairs (escalators) and the elevators and the bed-inside-the-couch. For some reason, he thought that our 3-day trip was the greatest thing ever. Well, since we did Thomas in Heber for Peanut, we figured that we should do something just for Meatball, and we had a cheap room rate at the Rainbow. So, off to Wendover we went!

We went swimming, relaxed in the hot tub, jumped on the bed, watched a movie, ate at a buffet (where the boys got to choose ANYTHING they wanted: sugar, sugar, sugar, cottage cheese, sugar, and sugar), rode the elevator (even though our room was on the ground floor), ran up and down the halls, swam some more, and generally acted silly.

This is Peanut in a gift bag. Yes - one of the two best presents I've ever received!

This is Meatball in the frog sunglasses that Auntie Sid gave him.

We didn't want to come home, but Granny and Grandpa were headed to our house since they had missed the birthday party. The prospect of MORE GIFTS was enough to get us all in the car and on the freeway.

The whole weekend was absolutely wonderful. It was probably the best family weekend we have ever had together. I hate that they are getting older, but I love who they are becoming.

Sharing

2011-05-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this picture now because this sort of thing RARELY happens lately:

Mini-Graduation ceremony

2011-05-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

Even though most of us have another semester to complete (August 1 if it kills me), we have been invited to walk with the other 2011 graduates at Westminster College. Because we are the first PROJECT BASED MBA group to ever go through the program, we were given a special little party.

Here I am getting my gift from Ken Meland, one of my favorite program coaches:

And, here is almost the entire PMBA OCTanner group. I'm in the back, and barely visible, but that's just the way I like things:

(Sort of in order, L-R: Nhat, Tom, Michael, Lauren, 1/2 of Rob's head, Zac, Ethan, Zlatina, Me, Dave, Jenni, Chris, 1/2 of Cody's head, Kathryn, Juli, Cameron, Jolene, Tricia, Karen, Paula, Stephanie, Genevieve, Michele)

I'm over the hill

2011-05-10T04:39:00.000-07:00

If 40 was the hill, then I've crested it and I'm headed down the other side. No skinnier, no wealthier, but there sure is a lot more love! My birthday was wonderful. I had to work, of course. My birthday never seems to fall on a weekend whereas Bub's always seems to. (Very irritating.) After my 7-mile run, I got a phone call from home. It was much earlier than Bub ever calls me, so I thought that something was wrong - totally forgetting that it was my birthday. Instead, it was the boys calling to sing to me which made me cry. They sounded so sweet. It was great.

Then, after a day of well-wishing co-workers, I headed home. As soon as I walked in the door, the boys jumped out of their hiding space and screamed "Happy Birthday" and "Surprise" about 15 times while dancing around like little crazy people. They were so excited. I couldn't help but laugh. There was a vase of tulips from the garden, and a card that they had made themselves. (Very impressive.) I showed them the "snuggly, cuddly" blanket that Carol B. had made for me, and they wanted to try it out immediately. So, we sat on the couch under the "snuggly, cuddly" blanket for about 15 minutes - hiding under it, sitting close, giggling, whatever. And, then I heard about the "snuggly, cuddly" blanket all night long from Peanut.

We then had dinner - pancakes since the boys chose what to eat. They were topped with a fresh strawberry puree and were pretty darn tasty! It reminded me of the strawberry shortcake that my mom always made for my birthday when I was in high school. (Awww... Tugging at heart strings) Then, there were pictures - with the phone camera since I STILL can't find the digital, (Grrrr....) and then a bath for me.

We finished up the night with finger painting, our own versino of Dancing with the Stars, playing with the bird characters from the movie Rio, crashing some trains, brushing teeth, and story time where I was falling asleep while telling the stories! (Must have been the "snuggly, cuddly" blanket we were under.)

It was a great night.

(Doesn't she have pretty eyes? And, I look tired. Proof that I'm over the hill.)

.

Spring harvest

2011-05-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

Keeping up with tradition, my dad came over yesterday to till my garden for my birthday. I had to clean a few things up before he did it. While cleaning, I found some peas that had seeded from last year. I dug them up and set them aside. I hope that they last until Wednesday so that I can get them back in the ground. I also found some carrots that had either grown over the winter (because they were all ridiculously small last fall) or had seeded and started to grow. Either way, we didn't want to waste them. The Peanut helped me find and dig them up; they are nice and sweet! Here he is proudly displaying some of the little veggies:

Opera, old school

2011-05-02T08:56:00.000-07:00

Through a friend at work, I came into possession of the album of Les Miserables. The boys sat in the recliner and listened to it as much as we would let them over the weekend.

Isn't culture cute?

and then, one more thing

2011-05-01T10:15:00.001-07:00

So, I was up at 4:15 in order to go for a 17 mile run this morning. I had to get something in my stomach and wait around for my digestive system to wake up because there is nothing more uncomfortable than being on a run when THAT happens. So, anyway, I'm reading a book (fiction - great change from all the business crap I have to read all semester), and the furnace makes an awful sound before refusing to work altogether AGAIN. I switched it on, off, on, off to no avail. Anyone that knows my past in South Salt Lake will know how I feel about fire, so I COULD NOT leave the house, long run be damned.

A different part is now broken. Of course. So, I made Bub call the furnace people since she has been making all of the arrangements so far, and they are going to fix it again. What we really need is a new furnace (obviously).

Then, as I was taking a bath, I remembered that both dogs need shots, and Sadie needs to be spayed.

Then, I had myself a little feeling-sorry-for-myself cry-fest for about five minutes.

It's making day #5 with no sugar a bit harder. I'm still starting meat-free May today. Shit. Why not? Maybe the good karma of not eating anything with a mother will come back to me in a decent way.

i swear, i can't handle one more thing!

2011-04-30T06:06:00.001-07:00

Thankfully, the semester was over when the inducer (whatever the crap that is) on our furnace decided to seize up making said furnace inoperable. While checking out the furnace (meaning "flipping the switch to see if it would magically turn on), I noticed a PUDDLE OF F'IN WATER under the water heater. If it hadn't been 4am, I would have screamed the words going through my head which aren't appropriate here - or anywhere for that matter.

So, Bub was home for the day with the boys and took care of everything to the tune of $1000. Our new inducer is loud, but at least our new water heater produces hot water in a millisecond.

It's just that this is all too much. Bub is still unemployed, and while it is great for her and the boys to have this time to bond together (and there is a trusted person looking after the, teaching them, playing with them), we just can't afford it anymore! I cannot emotionally handle it anymore. It's too much pressure.

If the furnace and water heater were it, it would be different, but since December we have lost two fridges (only replacing one so far with a used one), had to replace the timing belt and 16 valves on that piece of crap Honda, need new brakes on the Dodge, need a new windshield on the Honda, need to inspect and license both of them ASAP, we're behind on some bills, and I still have another semester which starts in 13 days. Oh, don't forget a marathon in exactly six weeks for which I still need to raise $440 and run a lot more long distances.

Let's not forget that Bub is sick for at least a week every single month. Like awful sick - barfing non-stop for an entire week. Some people say that women exaggerate their periods, but nobody would purposely and violently throw up for 7+ days. Who is going to hire her? I wouldn't! Without a job, how is she supposed to get insurance? She can't. However, she can't get Medicaid because our household income is too great even though we are not legally or biologically bound to each other. (Nice move, state of Utah. Quite convenient for you and slaughtering us. Just one more way to stick it to "the gays.")

There's a good chance that I might have a nervous breakdown soon. Luckily, Bub's folks help out a lot, but living in their debt just makes it all worse. I hate it.

No, I don't have a plan. I'm just whining which I also hate. Waaaaa...

I just need to suck it up and get a promotion or another job or something. I also need to find something ($25000 maybe) to bring me out of this funk.

Suck.

Easter, 2011

2011-04-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

We had a GREAT Easter!

Meatball coloring eggs. He took it very seriously and was very patient so that he could get just the right color soaked into each egg.

Meatball just pulling faces at mommy.

Two adorable boys at the easter party (at Carol S's church). This was in the gym with games everywhere! Pin the tail on the bunny, bowling, clothes pin drop, fish pond, etc. etc. etc. Next door was a room full of crafts.

Peanut coloring eggs - not nearly as patient as Meatball - preferring to plop the eggs into the cups and splash dye on the table cloth (and self). There's a reason he wasn't wearing a shirt!

Peanut and the Bunny. So stinkin' cute!

Seriously adorable. Meatball and the Bunny.

By far, the two most handsome men that the Bunny saw that entire day - I'm sure of it. (By the way, they were sooooo good at the egg hunt! Not greedy at all, and Meatball even offered some of his eggs to a little girl that didn't get any! They shook hands with the Bunny and said "nice to meet you.")

Easter morning at our house was crazy. The Bunny couldn't leave eggs out because Sadie the dork dog would have eaten every one of them, so he visited our house last. He let the dogs outside and then hid the eggs. Peanut was up at about 5:15 to look for eggs. I made him lay on the couch with me and go back to sleep. Meatball was up 45 minutes later. They found all 60 candy-filled eggs amid screams of "EGGGGGGG!!!!!!" and squeals of delight. (Don't worry about their teeth. I'm eating the candy faster than they every could. I'm doing it for them. Really.) Then, we sat down to Belgian waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. We went to Papa and Nana's shortly after where there was another egg hunt, lots of bubble blowing, craft painting, and some BBQ burgers. It was a great day.

What have we been up to?

2011-04-27T04:46:00.000-07:00

The Peanut crashing trains while at Toys*R*Us.

Meatball and Grandpa watching a movie and sharing a popsicle. We had to get a shot of this because Meatball is usually Granny's boy. For these two to sit together for an hour was strange!

The boys doing their "homework" while mommy finished up a paper at the end of MBA semester 4. (Why do kids do that when they smile for the camera? It's a phase that starts at 3 and ends at 19-ish, right?)

Meatball coloring while at Toys*R*Us

Peanut and mom taking a bite of a popsicle at the same time. While this kind of thing (sharing food, even sort of) usually puts me over the edge, they were being very cute and funny. It only made my stomach turn a little bit....

So proud...

2011-04-21T07:58:00.000-07:00

So, what do you do when your cold prevents you from going egg hunting? Paint, of course!

It helps Peanut keep his eye patch on (1 hour/day) if he is doing something active but stationary. We'll be patching his eye each day for four months for the amblyopia.)

Meatball takes this very seriously. He's like Pollock flipping paint around in his excitement.

And this is what you get when you're doing "homework" at the same time as mommy. Yes, I know that it's going from right to left, but still - look at those awesome letters (and the self portrait)!

strawberry milk and accidents

2011-04-14T18:49:00.001-07:00

Peanut: Mommy, cows lay milk.
Me: Yes, honey. Cows lay milk.
Peanut: Pink cows lay pink milk.
I just giggled.

Meatball on the phone with Nana: Oops, Nana, I gots to go! I accidentally pooped in my pants!
He didn't really; he just didn't know how to get off the phone!
I think I will use this one some day when I can't get a telemarketer to shut up!

it makes sense...

2011-04-12T19:59:00.001-07:00

Peanut: Mommy, can I have some strawberry milk?
Me: Yes.
Peanut: Because pink and pink make pink.
Me: Yes, it does.
Peanut: Mommy, it just makes sense.

Mommy was naughty

2011-04-06T15:32:00.000-07:00

Last night, Peanut was being a HUGE stinker. HUGE!
He reached for something that was supposed to be off-limits. Here's how the rest went down:
Me: If you touch that, you will be in big-ass trouble!
Peanut touches it anyway, just to be a shit.
Meatball (shouting): OOOOO, YOU'RE IN BIG-ASS TROUBLE!!!!
Me - head in hands.

Also, time out is supposed to be a mostly-calm endeavor. Well, last night, it wasn't. I put Peanut into time out, and I yelled in the process. He promptly informed me that I was being naughty and that I ought to sit in the naughty corner, too! So, I did. Time out is supposed to last one minute for each year of age. I WISH mine had lasted the entire 40 minutes.

Here they are being adorable:

Peanut with his best friend, Thomas. He LOVES to crash all of the trains, all of the time. Clearly, the challenge here is that Rheneas has jumped the curved track and has t-boned Thomas who is now top over tea kettle on the ground. This usually elicits an emphatic "Oooooohhhhh! Mommy - did you see that?"

This is Meatball with his best friend, Lizzy. He adores this dog, and there is a good chance that she loves him right back. If not, she at least sits still long enough for him to brush her. The other dog just knocks everyone and everything over.

At the park - I don't know why, but they refused to smile for the camera. They wanted to look serious? There was another kid there, and they wanted to look mature? Whatever. It didn't work. The other kid was named Doug. All I heard was "Mommy, Doug is a dog. You know, the dog in that movie?" (Up.) "Mommy, why does that boy have a dog name?" Oh, boy....

Time to move to Ireland?

2011-04-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

I hear the people are very nice. Click here for details. Congrats to my gay brothers and sisters oversees. I am green with envy. See? I could totally live in Ireland. I love the color green!

Lots of culture at our place...

2011-04-06T07:26:00.000-07:00

Is it odd that the boys' favorite character (movie, TV, etc) right now is Cosette from Les Miserables 10th anniversary production? "I want to watch Cosette. I want to listen to Cosette. I'm going to play with Cosette. I have a friend named Cosette." Constantly singing Castle On A Cloud...

Second favorite character is the Master of the House. That's a fun song to sing, too - especially when everybody raises a glass..... Oh, they get a real kick out of that! You know what I'm talking abour. You know exactly where they raise it!

The first time he heard Thenardier sing: Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down, and meet the best innkeeper in town. As for the rest, all of 'em crooks, rooking their guests and crooking the books.
Meatball said: You can't cook books!

Gavroche is also a hit. Peanut runs around singing "Think you're poor? Think you're free? Follow me, follow me!" With the last "follow me" shouted at the top of his lungs.

praying

2011-03-31T10:40:00.001-07:00

I have forgotten how to pray. I find that odd. How do I know this? Well, I'm following the trials of a little guy named Linus who has already had two open heart surgeries in his five short months. His two brothers (yes, they are a trio) are doing great, but he is struggling. His mommies must split their time between newborns at home and the hospital a couple hours away while he fights for his life. Mommies are surely exhausted, but mostly ask for prayers when well-wishers want to know what to do. So, they asked. So, from 1500 miles away, I did it. I prayed for the first time in many, many years.

I tried really hard one night, but then I realized that it takes some concentration when it's as unfamiliar as it now is to me. So, I tried again the next morning while I was running. That was much easier because the act of running helps clear out the noise in my head allowing me to focus on just a couple things at a time.

So, I said a couple of prayers, one to a god and one to a goddess - for good measure.

I don't know if it did any good, but it's what the mommies asked for. I do know that Linus made it through his surgery that day, so it didn't hurt.

I still think it's odd that I forgot how to do this. It doesn't bother me, really because let's face it, I couldn't be more agnostic if I tried. If there is a heaven and a hell, I'm a good enough person to at least avoid hell. If there is a god or goddess, I haven't done anything horrific. I have some room for improvement, but I'm a decent enough person that a deity probably wouldn't turn me away.

I just assumed that praying was like riding a bike - you never forget. Of course, Bub is a walking testament that that old adage is false.

This is what homework looks like at my house....

2011-03-29T12:47:00.000-07:00

Oh, dear...

2011-03-27T07:18:00.001-07:00

Meatball upon looking out the bay window at someone we don't like a whole lot: George is a dink!
Me: Honey, dink is not very nice. Please use nice words.
Meatball: Mom, I've got this under control.

Peanut upon waking up and seeing spring snow: What the hell is all this?
Me: Sweetie, hell is a naughty word. Please say heck instead.
Peanut pointing out the window: But, what the hell is all this? It's supposed to be spring!
Me: What happens in spring?
Peanut: Flowers grow, we can play outside, and we get birthday presents!

Boys, oh boys - I love you SO much!!!

Ya' don't say...

2011-03-25T18:11:00.001-07:00

Meatball: Mommy, you have to be careful. Don't go by fire. If you go by fire, you will get burned and turn into a marshmallow.

Peanut: Mommy, I have fruit snacks! I got them at the fruit snack store. There were fruit snacks all over the wall!

Tsunami in Japan

2011-03-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. It was, like, a week ago. Unlike the rest of the blogging world, I haven't yet written about the disaster. That's because I've been watching the whole thing with a really detatched perspective. I think that a lot of us do that. Otherwise, the sense of defeat and heartbreak for the people living there would be overwhelming.

So, my friend from The Bloody Toe recently posted this. My response:

Isn't it just like a kid to bring the human-ness of the situation to our attention?

I've been almost addicted to YouTube - you know, watching the power of the water move everything from its path and wipe out entire villages - from a rooftop or helicopter perspective. It wasn't until yesterday when the video I was watching gave video AND audio of a group of kids - all under the age of 10, I'm guessing. They were all crying and screaming in their fear; all huddled around each other with thier parents trying to shield them from the reality of the situation.

It wasn't until that moment that I actually cried for the people in Japan.

**And, then I watched this video. I think that I held my breath for the entire time!

Feeling like I let them down

2011-03-17T03:36:00.000-07:00

I was recently asked by a couple very close to us if I would be their surrogate. A couple of years after the birth of their daughter, she had to have a full hysterectomy, but they really want to have more kids. I said YES on the spot, but warned them that the doctors might not agree. There were tears of relief, joy, and anticipation. There was also a big argument at our house regarding my safety.

Interesting rules regarding surrogacy in Utah:
The carrier cannot donate the egg, too.
The carrier must have had at least one previous pregnancy.
Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE - from the parents to the carrier to the kids of both to the grandparents and the next door neighbor) must attend mandatory counseling.

After a week of phone calls with a surrogacy coordinator (what an odd job!), it was determined that I could not fill this need for them. The reason: I had a couple of complications while pregnant with the boys. I'm sure that the doctors explained it all to me at the time, but I must have downplayed the situation. After all, who DOESN'T downplay the fact that their liver isn't functioning and they get to spend five days in the hospital? Anyway, I was thinking that Cholestatis and Fatty Liver weren't that big of a deal. Shows what I know! Turns out, they can actually be fatal to the pregnant woman and/or the baby(ies).

And, here we are - almost four years later.

How did we get so lucky?

So, no surprise when the doctors said "are you friggin' kidding?" and denied their choice of carriers. I know that it's silly, but I feel like I let them down somehow. I know that I couldn't control this, but I sure wish I could have. It would have been great to give them this most precious gift.

Walking the M

2011-03-16T03:10:00.000-07:00

When we get to the end of the driveway and decide to turn left for our walk, there is an "M" drawn into the cement in front of the Miners' house. Without fail, we stop and walk on the "M".
Up, down, up down - says the Peanut.
No. Up, middle, up, down - replies the Meatball.
Then, we are on our way again.

FUNNY boys!

2011-03-13T09:28:00.001-07:00

Not even four years old yet, and this is the kind of stuff we're hearing:

Meatball looking at the chocolate all over his hands: "Oh, the indignity!"

Peanut after twirling around and bumping his lunchbox into his leg: "Well, that's a funny trick of fate!"

Peanut to Lizzy (the dog): "I'm sorry that you can't play the Thomas Train memory game, but you don't have any hands. You can only make tracks on the floor."

Meatball has also taken to calling us by our actual names. It's a bit unsettling but still cute.

Headed home from the park on a chilly March morning

2011-03-05T14:34:00.000-08:00

day in the life of "the stinkers"

2011-02-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

Today, we took the dogs for a walk. They (the dogs) were generally well behaved. The boys were too, for that matter! We did a quarter loop in the cemetary before the Meatball had to pee, so it was back home quickly. During the walk, Meatball was making "tummy prints" in the snow on a raised flower bed. Right after this picture was taken, Peanut made a "face print" in the snow. So funny. I wasn't fast enough to get a good picture of it!

After naps, we rode the sled down the hill in the back yard. Then, after an hour-long struggle to get them to eat something, we ended with some teeth brushing and some play time on the video game bike.

Winter Walk

2011-02-27T13:14:00.000-08:00

The boys and I went for a beautiful walk up Settlement. It was probably two miles total which I think is pretty good for little kids. We watched a spider cross the road and the snow. We saw two deer at the top of a hill. We found sticks and drew pictures in the snow. We threw snowballs at each other. We said hi to all of the cute girls that speed-walked past us. (One of them was about four years old, and the boys really thought that she was a looker!) We ate cookies. We ran, jumped, kicked, and laughed. It was a really fun time for me.