About my family

I don't mention my siblings very often - primarily because we don't do anything together. For some reason, for years I was under the illusion that we were a close family. After my mom died, I realized that we really weren't, aren't, and probably never will be. It's a shame because there are five remarkably different personalities that could create a raucous good time if we would only have our little pissing contest and move on.

I joke about them a lot. There is some truth to the jokes, but everything I say is from my perspective: a middle child who constantly aims to please but can't seem to ever get it quite right, the one who will never be quite good enough, the peace maker. I do love them all. I honestly do. But, collectively, we are a bunch of jackasses who can't seem to get out of our way to save ourselves.

The Conspiracy Theorist: The oldest - scarred by a young life in two dysfunctional families - nervous about anything that the government does (and I'm starting to agree with him in some aspects) - surprisingly stable - the BEST fisherman since my grandpa (from whom he learned how to get trout to practically jump into the boat) - the keeper of our childhood home - the one with the biggest heart - the one that never holds a grudge - the one that will be there, no matter what.

The Nutcase: She really is crazy - for years, I thought that she was certifiable, but now I realize that she is just incredibly independent (a survival technique) and doesn't really give two shits if you like her or not - she's crazy enough that she will retire ten years before the rest of us fools, and she is never home because she has too much to do/see/experience - she has a loud laugh, a wild sense of humor, and is always on the lookout for an adventure - she used to let things worry her and weigh her down, but now she just lets it all go (I'm actually kind of jealous!).

The Golden Child: He just seemed to be perfect as we were all growing up - the successful bull rider (yes, seriously, professional and everything!), funny, and popular (but not in a quarterback kind of way) - everything just seemed to fall into place for him (of his own making or just by luck, I may never know) - he's the one that got the majority of our dad's attention and affection, and it's very possible that we all still feel ripped off to this day (or maybe it's just me - yes, I have issues) - he used to be really easy going, but I've recently come to realize that he carries a grudge longer than anyone I've ever known - he's nostalgic and, surprisingly, he believes a bit in spirits.

The Bitch: That would be me - I am the quintessential middle child, and I'm far too realistic and responsible for my own good or for the other siblings' taste - I'm the one that gets to do things like work with the guy that created my mom's headstone, disburse her meager life insurance policy, notify all of her contacts about her death, etc. etc. etc - I will say what needs to be said unless it means confrontation with my dad or a sibling and then I dance around the subject or just take care of it on my own - I am blunt and can be a bit mean - I have a master's degree but still say "left" when I mean "right" - I don't express my love to people very often even though I always want to say it - when I get hurt, I carry a grudge - my relationships are difficult - I am often hard to be around(good gawd - is there a therapist out there?) - when I make a true friend, I am a friend forEVER.

The Angry One: As the baby of the family, I don't think that he's supposed to be angry, but he can certainly get that way - it's not a surprise that he and I get along pretty well - he really got the shaft when our parents divorced - we don't really talk about that, though - he's a former Marine and Army National Guardsman (I'm pretty proud of that) - I think that his tours of Kuwait and Okinawa were good for him, but his tour of Iraq really soured him on the inherent goodness of people because he has a hard time seeing that now - he's crafty and ingenious and can fix anything - he's a good dad - he, too, carries a grudge.

But, I love them all. I love spending what little time we have together because we almost always manage to laugh more than cry or fight. Sometimes their spouses really piss me off, but mine's no saint, either. I try to get us all in the same place at the same time at least once a year which shouldn't be hard since we're only separated by two hours of drive time, but it never works out. I don't think that we all really, truly want to be there. We haven't been together since 1999 - pathetic. I'll just keep trying.....