Saturday, February 23, 2008

The swimmers are in the pool

As you can imagine after the delivery stress, we weren’t about to let #2488 out of our sight, so we took him to lunch with us. We sat the shipping box in the booth next to me and dressed him in a t-shirt and baseball cap. He fit right in (although he wasn’t much of an eater). Next came shopping – another endeavor that I do not necessarily enjoy. However, this trip was specifically for #2488. We wanted the swim team to be prepared so we stopped to buy them some gear. By the time we arrived at the doctor’s office, our canister was decked out in goggles and snorkel set. (Our doctor cracked up. We actually are rather funny sometimes.) Holy cats. The time has come to load up the syringe with our previously frozen swim team. The doc was great and there was no pain from the syringe or speculum. It all went well and after lying with my pelvis tilted up just a bit for 20 minutes, we were ready to go home. The only feeling that I had was one of being full. Not like after a big meal, but a poofy feeling in my lower abdomen area. It was a strange feeling. The next morning, I knew that I was pregnant. I absolutely, positively, unequivocally knew. Unfortunately, my “knowledge” isn’t enough. We had to wait fourteen days until we knew for sure. What an agonizing time. As I’ve said before, TTC is the ultimate mind-f**k. It’s hard to be patient. It’s hard to be nice. It’s hard to remain calm. It’s also one of Mother Nature’s cruelest tricks since the signs of early pregnancy mimic the signs of pending menstruation. So, are my boobs sore because I’m pregnant or because I have PMS? Do my moods swing because my hormones are preparing my body to host a guest for the next nine months or because Aunt Flo is planning a visit? It’s just mean, plain and simple.

I don’t know any lesbian (or probably most straight women) who managed to wait through the entire recommended fourteen days. We all know that testing early can just show nothing at all, but we are compelled to pee on the stick contained in the home pregnancy kit. It’s just something that we must do. I’ll admit it. I did it! I woke up on day 13 and peed on the first stick that I could find. (Actually, that was really easy since I had left it sitting on the counter the night before.)

Like the ovulation test two weeks ago, this test, too, was positive. Or was it? The lines were so faint that I thought that I had done something wrong, so I re-read the instructions. Nope. I did everything right. Could it be faint because I was throwing caution to the wind and testing a day early? Yes. Could it be faint because it really wasn’t there, and I was just imagining a line because I wanted it so badly? Yes. Damn!

Bub could see something, but not enough. She decided that I was definitely not pregnant. We decided to go fishing again. This time, we chose Vernon Reservoir, which is much closer to our home and not nearly as popular. (Duh! There’s a reason that it’s not popular: nobody catches any freakin fish there!)
At least we had out-houses to tinkle in on this fishing day. In light of that, I took a second home pregnancy test with me – just in case my hormones would change enough during the day to make a darker line. So, I hit the can at about 10am after holding it for a few hours (to increase the hormones in the urine, of course). I was so excited to pee on the stick that I forgot to take the cap off! I wasted most of my sample peeing on the cap and – of course – my hand again since the out-house was lit only by the light of one small window. I finally got the cap off and utilized the rest of my stream as well as I could. I soaked up a bit of sun while I patiently (?) waited the requisite three minutes. The result looked the same as it did when I first awoke. Oh well. Who gets pregnant on their first artificial insemination? Almost nobody. But, I still hoped.

As the days went on, however, my period was very obviously NOT here. Oh my god! I’m pregnant! However, Bubba just wouldn’t believe it. The lines were too faint. She doesn’t follow her own cycle, let alone mine, so the absence of mine meant nothing to her.

We scheduled an appointment with the doctor.

Upon arrival at the doctor’s office, I immediately peed on a stick. We were then shown to a waiting room. When the doctor arrived with the positive result, we congratulated her on her wonderful plunger technique. After all, it’s not everyday that she gets someone pregnant on the first try! We asked a few questions, set a new appointment, and then took our positive test (still with a faint line) home. We were about to be parents! This was July 19.

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