Friday, October 12, 2012

All dressed up and nowhere to go

Ever since last Halloween, the boys like to get dressed up – in their dresses – and play once in a while. I’m sure that some people are going to read that and have a complete fit. Fine. Do it. I don’t give two shakes.

What this means is this: nothing.

It’s playtime. It’s imagination time. It’s fun.

In their world, I dress up for work, but Bub never dresses up in dresses. In fact, she shops in the men’s section of every store often with the boys in tow. They have seen Halloween pictures of Papa as a cowgirl, Uncle as a hooker, and cousin as Cher. When we see people dressed differently at the mall or downtown or where ever, they don’t even look twice (although Bub and I certainly do). To them, it is just another way to look. It doesn’t mean that they are gender benders or gay or strange.

But you know what? We wouldn’t care if they were any or all of those things.

Yes. It’s hard to be gay – especially in Utah – but the times are changing. As long as they are healthy, happy, and kind, then we don’t care.

I will say that they have learned that it’s hard to play trains and run around in a dress. Good lesson. All of us girls learned that way before we were five years old.

They haven’t, however, learned that other people can be cruel when you are different. While on this walk, four different adults truly thought that they were girls with really short hair. However, the boys stopped and talked to a couple of 8-10ish year olds, a boy and a girl. We talked about Meatball’s stuffed dog and Peanut’s trains. The other kids didn’t talk much at all… until we turned to leave. Luckily, neither boy heard the older boy say to the girl “gawd, they are so weird” as they walked away laughing.

And, it saddens me to admit that even though I just typed a great speech about how we don’t care if they are considered strange/gay/etc., I did try to get them to change their clothes before this walk precisely because I didn’t want them to be hurt by the cruel words of others. And, when that boy was laughing at my kids, I wanted to pound his 10 year old ass; I really did. I wanted to cry “why can’t you just accept difference?” I wanted to shield the boys from reality. Luckily, they were busy doing something else entirely and didn’t have a clue. But, soon, they will.

Parenting. This stuff is hard!


Bee Girl said...

Ugh...yes, it is hard. You are doing right to teach your boys that differences and acceptance are beautiful. The 10 year old boy has not been taught that, and that is unfortunate. Your boys are very sweet, and yes, they will learn some hard lessons along the way, but they will be stronger (and kinder) for having experienced them. Remember to breathe and be kind to yourself throughout their growth as well ;-)

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