Sunday, April 6, 2008

What I'm afraid of

In my new-mommy, hormone affected, NICU tempered euphoria, I find myself weepy and emotional and generally weird.

I want to be the BEST mom in the whole world! I hope that our boys love us as much as I loved my mom. There can't be a better feeling than that, can there?

But, I'm so afraid that I'll make mistakes or forget to do something important or embarrass them or etc. etc. etc.

I look at these little beings everyday, and I'm amazed that they are so beautiful and perfect. I'm reminded that they are miracles. (Of course, they are only three weeks old and can't talk back yet.)

So, one thing that I'm afraid of is this: In two years or 14 years or 37 years they will do things or say things that will bug the crap out of me or really piss me off. I'm afraid that during those times, I won't remember how I feel today. I'm afraid that I will forget that they are perfect and wonderful and have made me happier than I ever imagined. I'm afraid that the absolute beauty that I feel will fade or disappear - especially in times of frustration or anger.

See - I told you that I'm emotional and weird.

No comments: